TODAY
I'm having a lot of different emotions right now. Maybe it's because I'm sick, or maybe it's because I'm a college student: I don't know.
I guess it makes sense that someone who has moved locations like 5 times... from Russia to Ohio, from Ohio to Washington, from Washinton to Minnesota, lived in two places in Minnesota, and then moved back to Ohio for college, being emotional wouldn't seem horribly surprising.
Theres a lot more in my past than that but somehow I don't know if I feel like sharing it with the worldwide web just yet. Even though as far as I can tell this blog hasn't appeared on google yet.
Probably the reason I feel emotional right now is because my boyfriend is talking to his parents about plans for me to come fly and see him. This is all fantastic but there is always some unforeseen circumstances and pressures to get things planned out early thanks to prices for tickets constantly going up. I don't want to pressure my boyfriend but I know if you cut people too much slack they'll do it at the last second. I feel bad, but bleh. Theres always two sides I'm trying to satisfy and it always has negative efffects somewhere along the long. I am loyal to my family and to my boyfriend, but my boyfriends families and mine don't always see eye to eye. This is probably normal, but eh. Not to mention I'm scared of airplanes. When I say scared, I don't just mean a twinge of fear. I mean full blown, rigid terror. Sometimes, anyways.
I keep thinking how horrible it would be to die in a plane crash. Plummeting to your death. But there are worse ways to die.
I've actually heard a lot about death recently. Partially because I'm reading The Lost Symbol, but also because I'm a paranoid person. You see I'm still sick but the other day I felt mostly better. Me and my family decided to go out to eat. I ordered garlic noodles. I ate the garlic noodles. They were yummy. Me and my parents were talking about how we were going to go see The Surrogates. Everything was hunky dory, right? But then everything kind of blew up. I felt a rush of nausea, dizzyness, exhaustion, and like I was about to keel over into my bowl. Also this brought up a strong feeling of fear because I ate mushrooms and I thought I just poisoned myself and was going to die. Like I totally honestly thought I was going to die right then. My parents were having casual conversation and ignoring my plight until I gasped out "I don't feel good."
They comforted me by saying that apparently it's normal to feel really shitty and sick after eating and not taking medication (I stopped taking my cold medication). Eventually I felt better, but jesus that was a terrifying moment.
random thoughts:
I've been reading about Noetic Science. The idea that our thoughts have mass and create gravity so that thoughts that are similiar with many people end up actually changing nature itself to an extent. Our thoughts actually INFLUENCE our environment. Now that's some brain food. I want to buy a book called Living Deeply that talks about our consciousness with the new findings from Noetic Science.
Cats are adorable. My cat especially. Meow.
I need a strategy to get popular on deviantART. This is much more easily said than done. I want to do commissions on there but first people need to know who I am.
I think I need to stop doing this now because my ribs hurt and I need to pee o_o
Monday, October 19, 2009
Sunday, October 18, 2009
Life sucks sometimes...
Ho-kay, so
HERES THE EARTH:
uh, no.... not really.
Okay, for real this time. Mid Term week is over. Mid term week was somewhere between depressing, frustrating, empowering, and sickening. Let me explain in more detail.... if you're curious, of course
Depressing: Girls in Motion is like a drama pit of drama. I mean, you go there and all the girls do is pretty much A. Disrespect you B. Disrespect everyone else C. Tell you that you smell bad D. Refuse to do any of the activities E. Complain that they don't get enough snacks F. Complain that they shouldn't have to help put away chairs (Okay, honestly, they're there to LEARN from us, the least they could do is help us with some effing chairs!). After I went on Tuesday I felt so crappy. Two of the girls were threatening to get into a fist fight with each other and this new girl Abby showed up who was just something else. She probably had the biggest attitude out of all of them. Her sarcasm made me so... grrr. Lets just say I'm getting practice in patience.
Oh, and I was thinking I could transfer to a different work study that was art related but they e-mailed me back saying they had no spots open. Possibly not even for next semester T_T
Oh, and plus my dad wants me to stay in it so I can keep making money if nothing else opens up.
Frustrating: See above. Also, trying to study for two midterms and running from place to place and forgetting your meetings because you have too much to do is NOT a fun experience. On Friday night last week I actually was studying with my tutor for Developmental Psychology from 9:30 PM to midnight. How many students do that? Honestly? But then again, I'm surprised more didn't do it since the midterm happened to be 33 percent of my grade. Oh, and there's only two other graded things. And guess how many percent they are? 33! So naturally I was FREAKING out. I mean, I didn't want to fail a class in my first semester. Though apparently that happens often. I felt frustrated because I didn't have time to do anything fun like... draw or write or I don't know, anything.
Empowering: It was empowering to get through my tests and not die and actually feel like I didn't fail. However, I wasn't really all that empowered considering I skipped lunch for two or three days in a row. Oh, and I never eat breakfast.
Sickening: Well, there was this sandwich that I bought for one of the days to eat after me exam but it was the most disgusting thing ever! Thats not the point, though. On Thursday I left class early because it was a workday and everyone was leaving early anyways. However, I also was starting to feel a tad sick. No big deal, I can just go back to the dorm, take some sudafed, and all will be hunky dory. WRONG. What happened instead was that I progressively felt worse and worse to the point that my throat was burning alive and I felt so tired and dizzy that I could barely focus and I had to skip Girls in Motion. By 4:30 I was wondering how on earth I would pass my Russian test the next day. My mom called me at that point being like WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME YOU WERE SICK WHY DO I HEAR EVERYTHING FROM YOUR DAD? I gave her a half assed response about something to do with me not thinking straight. Then after several times of her asking "what do I do?" to which I responded "you're the mother, you should know" which ended in me still telling her to call my Russian professor (because my throat was death) and asking her if I could postpone my exam. Now this may seem very strange, but since my mom is Russian and my prof is Russian they must automatically have some kind of connection. It's a Russian thing- don't ask. So luckily my prof said that it's all good- I can take it later. So my mom came to pick me up and take me home. Which was a damn good thing becuase that night was absolutely positively horrendous. I couldn't swallow without feeling like I just swallowed some kind of poisonous burning gooey concoction. My ears were popping, my head felt like a ton of bricks, and my eyes could barely open a fifth of an inch. My roommate tried to cheer me up by saying "at least you got your test postponed" but somehow when you feel that sick its hard to agree. Or maybe I'm just a pessemist. -___-
HERES THE EARTH:
uh, no.... not really.
Okay, for real this time. Mid Term week is over. Mid term week was somewhere between depressing, frustrating, empowering, and sickening. Let me explain in more detail.... if you're curious, of course
Depressing: Girls in Motion is like a drama pit of drama. I mean, you go there and all the girls do is pretty much A. Disrespect you B. Disrespect everyone else C. Tell you that you smell bad D. Refuse to do any of the activities E. Complain that they don't get enough snacks F. Complain that they shouldn't have to help put away chairs (Okay, honestly, they're there to LEARN from us, the least they could do is help us with some effing chairs!). After I went on Tuesday I felt so crappy. Two of the girls were threatening to get into a fist fight with each other and this new girl Abby showed up who was just something else. She probably had the biggest attitude out of all of them. Her sarcasm made me so... grrr. Lets just say I'm getting practice in patience.
Oh, and I was thinking I could transfer to a different work study that was art related but they e-mailed me back saying they had no spots open. Possibly not even for next semester T_T
Oh, and plus my dad wants me to stay in it so I can keep making money if nothing else opens up.
Frustrating: See above. Also, trying to study for two midterms and running from place to place and forgetting your meetings because you have too much to do is NOT a fun experience. On Friday night last week I actually was studying with my tutor for Developmental Psychology from 9:30 PM to midnight. How many students do that? Honestly? But then again, I'm surprised more didn't do it since the midterm happened to be 33 percent of my grade. Oh, and there's only two other graded things. And guess how many percent they are? 33! So naturally I was FREAKING out. I mean, I didn't want to fail a class in my first semester. Though apparently that happens often. I felt frustrated because I didn't have time to do anything fun like... draw or write or I don't know, anything.
Empowering: It was empowering to get through my tests and not die and actually feel like I didn't fail. However, I wasn't really all that empowered considering I skipped lunch for two or three days in a row. Oh, and I never eat breakfast.
Sickening: Well, there was this sandwich that I bought for one of the days to eat after me exam but it was the most disgusting thing ever! Thats not the point, though. On Thursday I left class early because it was a workday and everyone was leaving early anyways. However, I also was starting to feel a tad sick. No big deal, I can just go back to the dorm, take some sudafed, and all will be hunky dory. WRONG. What happened instead was that I progressively felt worse and worse to the point that my throat was burning alive and I felt so tired and dizzy that I could barely focus and I had to skip Girls in Motion. By 4:30 I was wondering how on earth I would pass my Russian test the next day. My mom called me at that point being like WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME YOU WERE SICK WHY DO I HEAR EVERYTHING FROM YOUR DAD? I gave her a half assed response about something to do with me not thinking straight. Then after several times of her asking "what do I do?" to which I responded "you're the mother, you should know" which ended in me still telling her to call my Russian professor (because my throat was death) and asking her if I could postpone my exam. Now this may seem very strange, but since my mom is Russian and my prof is Russian they must automatically have some kind of connection. It's a Russian thing- don't ask. So luckily my prof said that it's all good- I can take it later. So my mom came to pick me up and take me home. Which was a damn good thing becuase that night was absolutely positively horrendous. I couldn't swallow without feeling like I just swallowed some kind of poisonous burning gooey concoction. My ears were popping, my head felt like a ton of bricks, and my eyes could barely open a fifth of an inch. My roommate tried to cheer me up by saying "at least you got your test postponed" but somehow when you feel that sick its hard to agree. Or maybe I'm just a pessemist. -___-
Tuesday, October 06, 2009
So, several updates to make
1. My roommate got a tablet. It's amazing. I'm drawing masterpieces (haha, not but really it's amazing)
2. Due to my roommate getting a tablet, there's a lot of new stuff on my deviantart. You should go check it out because I am depressingly comment-less.
3. Mid-terms are coming up so I'm getting progressively busier
4. I started doing a work study with middle school girls for movement empowerment, but so far none of them are empowered, and none of them are moving. In fact all they want to do is party and be rude and obnoxious. It's very draining but I'm hoping by the end I'll stop having the tendency to let people boss me around and get more leadership experience.
5. BoA released an English album. She's a korean pop singer but I guess she's gotten kind of popular in America and it's so exciting. I love her korean songs and they used to be a lot more innocent but nevertheless, her new songs are cool too. Utada also released her second English album. This is actually old news, but I hadn't gotten to listen to all the songs yet.
6. I'm doing an informal class in web design so I'm getting to design a website for the Oberlin Swing Workshop which I guess is a pretty big deal since they have a whole budget for it and they hire some pretty snazzy teachers and a band and everything. Hopefully someone will notice that the website is cool and remember my name ^_^.
7. I'm taking a break from job applications since there aren't really many jobs I'm interested in posted right now though I inquired about one which would involve making a practical website for an animal rights club.
8. Theres a Russian Cultural Festival coming up! I think I'll submit some Russian music and drag my roommates there so they can see some genuine Russian culture and maybe lose some stereotypes.
9. I'm planning on starting to write my first article for the Oberlin Review soon, this Thursday is the meeting. Hopefully it won't be too scary to sit in on an event and write about it.
10. I went to Minneapolis to go to a special event called SGMS, it's an anime themed workshop where they have lectures about anything from Miyazaki to Kawaii Noir to random economics O_o. It's where anime meets genius discussion. I always knew that anime had lots of depth and importance, but nobody quite points it out as well as the people who speak at SGMS. It's a wonderful event. I should probably post something just talking in depth about my trip.
I need to update this more... -__-
1. My roommate got a tablet. It's amazing. I'm drawing masterpieces (haha, not but really it's amazing)
2. Due to my roommate getting a tablet, there's a lot of new stuff on my deviantart. You should go check it out because I am depressingly comment-less.
3. Mid-terms are coming up so I'm getting progressively busier
4. I started doing a work study with middle school girls for movement empowerment, but so far none of them are empowered, and none of them are moving. In fact all they want to do is party and be rude and obnoxious. It's very draining but I'm hoping by the end I'll stop having the tendency to let people boss me around and get more leadership experience.
5. BoA released an English album. She's a korean pop singer but I guess she's gotten kind of popular in America and it's so exciting. I love her korean songs and they used to be a lot more innocent but nevertheless, her new songs are cool too. Utada also released her second English album. This is actually old news, but I hadn't gotten to listen to all the songs yet.
6. I'm doing an informal class in web design so I'm getting to design a website for the Oberlin Swing Workshop which I guess is a pretty big deal since they have a whole budget for it and they hire some pretty snazzy teachers and a band and everything. Hopefully someone will notice that the website is cool and remember my name ^_^.
7. I'm taking a break from job applications since there aren't really many jobs I'm interested in posted right now though I inquired about one which would involve making a practical website for an animal rights club.
8. Theres a Russian Cultural Festival coming up! I think I'll submit some Russian music and drag my roommates there so they can see some genuine Russian culture and maybe lose some stereotypes.
9. I'm planning on starting to write my first article for the Oberlin Review soon, this Thursday is the meeting. Hopefully it won't be too scary to sit in on an event and write about it.
10. I went to Minneapolis to go to a special event called SGMS, it's an anime themed workshop where they have lectures about anything from Miyazaki to Kawaii Noir to random economics O_o. It's where anime meets genius discussion. I always knew that anime had lots of depth and importance, but nobody quite points it out as well as the people who speak at SGMS. It's a wonderful event. I should probably post something just talking in depth about my trip.
I need to update this more... -__-
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