TODAY

I'm having a lot of different emotions right now. Maybe it's because I'm sick, or maybe it's because I'm a college student: I don't know.

I guess it makes sense that someone who has moved locations like 5 times... from Russia to Ohio, from Ohio to Washington, from Washinton to Minnesota, lived in two places in Minnesota, and then moved back to Ohio for college, being emotional wouldn't seem horribly surprising.

Theres a lot more in my past than that but somehow I don't know if I feel like sharing it with the worldwide web just yet. Even though as far as I can tell this blog hasn't appeared on google yet.

Probably the reason I feel emotional right now is because my boyfriend is talking to his parents about plans for me to come fly and see him. This is all fantastic but there is always some unforeseen circumstances and pressures to get things planned out early thanks to prices for tickets constantly going up. I don't want to pressure my boyfriend but I know if you cut people too much slack they'll do it at the last second. I feel bad, but bleh. Theres always two sides I'm trying to satisfy and it always has negative efffects somewhere along the long. I am loyal to my family and to my boyfriend, but my boyfriends families and mine don't always see eye to eye. This is probably normal, but eh. Not to mention I'm scared of airplanes. When I say scared, I don't just mean a twinge of fear. I mean full blown, rigid terror. Sometimes, anyways.


I keep thinking how horrible it would be to die in a plane crash. Plummeting to your death. But there are worse ways to die.


I've actually heard a lot about death recently. Partially because I'm reading The Lost Symbol, but also because I'm a paranoid person. You see I'm still sick but the other day I felt mostly better. Me and my family decided to go out to eat. I ordered garlic noodles. I ate the garlic noodles. They were yummy. Me and my parents were talking about how we were going to go see The Surrogates. Everything was hunky dory, right? But then everything kind of blew up. I felt a rush of nausea, dizzyness, exhaustion, and like I was about to keel over into my bowl. Also this brought up a strong feeling of fear because I ate mushrooms and I thought I just poisoned myself and was going to die. Like I totally honestly thought I was going to die right then. My parents were having casual conversation and ignoring my plight until I gasped out "I don't feel good."

They comforted me by saying that apparently it's normal to feel really shitty and sick after eating and not taking medication (I stopped taking my cold medication). Eventually I felt better, but jesus that was a terrifying moment.


random thoughts:


I've been reading about Noetic Science. The idea that our thoughts have mass and create gravity so that thoughts that are similiar with many people end up actually changing nature itself to an extent. Our thoughts actually INFLUENCE our environment. Now that's some brain food. I want to buy a book called Living Deeply that talks about our consciousness with the new findings from Noetic Science.

Cats are adorable. My cat especially. Meow.

I need a strategy to get popular on deviantART. This is much more easily said than done. I want to do commissions on there but first people need to know who I am.

I think I need to stop doing this now because my ribs hurt and I need to pee o_o