The Dumb Things I Do

So this post is all about me and the dumb things I do. I do a lot of dumb things that if I didn't do, I would be a lot happier, a lot more functional, and my life would just be... better. Hopefully when I am done with this post I will be better at dealing with my fears and not be so dumb. So.. here goes.

The Dumb Things I Do:

1. Be Negative:

This is really problematic. Not only is it scientifically proven that being negative shortens your lifespan, it just.. makes you unhappy. So why on earth would anyone choose to be negative in the first place? I'm not really sure, but there's always this gravity pulling me towards it. Even if I suck at it, I need to try to think about the good things. Because a lot of the negative things I think about aren't even happening. They're more like what if's, worrying about the future, or unnecessarily remembering the past.

2. Be Paranoid:

I probably wouldn't be paranoid if I wasn't so negative, because you wouldn't be paranoid if you didn't think about potential negative things that could happen all the time. Paranoia is one of the most incapacitating feelings ever. You're not being afraid of something reasonable, so basically you're wasting your energy being scared and for all you know you'll give yourself a heart attack for what? Absolutely nothing! And it only hurts yourself. It's just awful. Paranoia is awful, and I pity everyone who has to deal with it.


3. Be Sensitive

Maybe I'm not that sensitive. I mean I know people more sensitive than me, but still. I have to realize that a lot of times people just say dumb shit. And if I'm always taking that shit personally my head will explode. Just be chill, Nadya. Don't take people so seriously. They usually don't know what the fuck they're talking about to begin with. And if they do, well, that's all fine and dandy too. But taking everyone too seriously is just a terrible idea. Because most people aren't serious. I need to learn to make distinctions on how to react internally.

4. Be Hard to Read

So even though I take things seriously all the time even when its dumb shit, nobody can ever tell when I'm upset or angry. Why, you may ask? Well, it's because I can't show it on my face. I am not really sure when this cropped up in my upbringing, but at some point I guess my facial expressions decided to peace out. It's not like my face is stone or anything, but when I'm around other people it seems to take them forever to figure out if I'm annoyed or something. Unless I tell them of course.

5. Bottle Things Up

I do this all the time. I never want to yell at anyone because well, that's just... bad. Though a lot of times I think people deserve it. But I have trouble relaxing and just letting go of things. I can't kick a chair or punch a pillow, that just makes me want to practice it on a real person. I can't clear my mind though I keep trying to meditate. I guess part of this is because I feel like people don't really care most of the time, which brings me to my next "dumb thing."

6. Be Cynical

Oh yeah. I am pretty damn cynical. I don't really believe in the goodness, or honesty of people. I mean, so much shit happens across the world and everyone is so self absorbed. I have little faith in humans.

7. Have High Expectations

I expect way too much from other people. That's why I'm cynical. Sorta at least. People disappoint me frequently.


So basically, I'm a formula for disaster. Or at least psychotic-ness. But that brings me to my last one.


8. Be Self Deprecating

Honestly I should have never called this list what I did because that in itself is self deprecating. I'm always dwelling on what I'm bad at or what I could improve on, I rarely feel like I did a good job unless someone directly compliments me, and it always has to be someone who doesn't compliment me frequently.

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I don't know how I deal with my life to be quite honest, after listing that all out. But I am working on it, starting out with this list. If it helps, then I will inform you all so maybe someone else can use this sort of idea for their purposes. Sometimes listing the things you have trouble with can be helpful. I think it works for me anyways. I try to add something in these posts thats useful to other people so I don't just seem like one of those self-absorbed assholes.