It's been a few weeks since I posted anything. I knew this would happen, because it is the summer and my school year was fairly stressful in my opinion. Plus I've spent this whole month with my boyfriend which means a lot to me and I wanted to savor every moment of it rather than spend it all working. Not that updating my blog is really working per say, but it's kind of.. work-like.
I was looking back at my last few posts and thinking, you know its really nice to have documentation like this. Especially since I tend to forget things that I wish I didn't forget about. I like having little tidbits written down to help jog my memory. Otherwise it may be lost to my confused brain forever.
Especially important to document (for myself of course) is the time I'm spending now with Stephen. Mainly because I know later it will feel like a dream or something. I don't want it to be like that.
So this post may be full of stuff that isn't all that interesting to other people, but it's some of the stuff I've done these past few weeks.
Yesterday I went to Stephen's good friend's birthday party. It was kinda fun, we watched Kung Fu Hustle which has got to be the most ridiculous Kung Fu movie ever, where this axe gang wants to destroy this town of people who are all randomly amazing at kung gu. There were so many totally fake effects, like this man doing Kung Fu*toad style* and his face getting all weird like a toad, and this other guy getting thrown several miles into the sky and then as he fell setting on fire and leaving a giant palm imprint into the ground as he landed. There was also this lady who did the "Lions Roar" where she basically contorted her waist and filled her boobs? with air and let out a sound so loud that it even destroyed the evil musical instrument that kills people! Woah! Yet despite its total ridiculousness I think I was taking the movie a bit too seriously.
A friend of mine also brought cake flavored gelato. It was nummy. Stephen played the Wii, since he's not into movies much. They also watched Hangover which.. uh.. I have nothing to say about that movie...
pause: Stephen just shot a guy in his game with like only three bullet and the target was just like sitting against a wall and suddenly he goes like flying like halfway across the room. Realistic physics anyone?
So what else have I been up to?
I went up to Stephen's cabin with him and his family. We did a lot up there. Golfing, swimming in Devil's Lake, a little shopping (Kiwi Banana smoothie anyone?), hiking, a visit to a casino (unfortunately 19 year olds can only play bingo- *sigh*). We also saw two movies- Tim Burton's 9 and The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus. Both good movies. Even Stephen kinda liked them. Considering we were only there for three days, it was very eventful. I had a great time, there was good weather, beautiful nature, I couldn't have asked for a better cabin visit.
It was only my second time ever playing golf but I didn't do too awful considering. Stephen still pwned me though.
Okay, so my whole time here hasn't been like crazy doing stuff all the time. A good number of days were spent playing Fallout 3. Damn, what a good game. I swear sometimes I prefer video games over reality. They're just so much fun! I love Fallout because there's just SO MUCH. Theres a huge map, lots of exploring you can do, tons of side quests, enough dialogue to maintain a good storyline, just all around fantastic game. I think I want to get an Xbox myself.
I've also played a bit of Naughty Bear, a game where you're this bear who all the other bears tease and basically, you've had enough so you decide that its time for payback. Basically you get to shove bears down toilets, in ovens, fridges, etc. You can stab them, shoot them, shred them, punch them, whatever you please.
But before killing them you must first psychologically torture them by sabotaging all their stuff, breaking their windows, breaking stuff, sneaking up on them and screaming in their face.. uhm.. oh yeah and when you sabotage their stuff they go an repair it which is when you go up behind them and kill them with whatever they are repairing. It's the perfect game for getting out all that pent up rage!
But yeah.. now that everyone probably thinks I'm crazy.. what else have I done recently?
Oh yeah, a friend of mine hosted a tea party of sorts. We had lots of nummy stuff, like curry, dutch caramel wafers, green tea (or at least I had blueberry green tea), cherry stuffed crepes, and candies. It was SO good. We also watched that ancient animated version of the Hobbit. Oh yeah, and we chatted with another friend of mine, Maggie over skype since she left only a week after I got here. She had to go back to Puerto Rico to start her classes. I was happy to see her for at least a little bit.
Maggie is one of the few friends of mine who understands what its like living in what seems like two worlds. Plus she is uber sympathetic and interesting and just all around awesome. We share a lot of the same interests like writing and psychology and dark stuff.. its a good time.
Tracing back my steps, the other major thing we did was go to the Mall of America. That was when Maggie was still here. Actually, I went there twice. Once with all my friends, where we rode up in gender secluded cars (lol) mainly just because I hadn't seen a lot of my girlfriends in a while and I thought it would be fun. We got lost on the way, but it was so much fun. My friends are so funny and random and... I don't know exactly what we even were talking about, but I had forgotten I could laugh that much. The boys gave us a lot of crap for being lost.. well, some anyways. They are less directionally challenged. But hey, we only got lost once!
The car we took up was this old luxury car with leather seats and butt warmers and lights next to the mirrors and all this other random cool stuff. I loved it.
I've been buying a lot here. The first mall visit I got a dress from Forever 21 and.. I don't remember what else. The second time I got a cup of tea from Teavana (best tea evar!), a gift for my mama, a Lady Gaga-esque dress from H & M for five bucks(!), and noms at Nordstrom cafe. I guess to some people thats not that much but eh, it seemed like a lot at the time? I dunno.
We also go on walks pretty frequently. Today we went on an hour walk in Oxbow, which is like forest trails that I am really familiar with since I've been going there since the summer before 8th grade. It's familiar, but beautiful nonetheless. Especially this time of year.
I don't really want to go home. I know I'm going to take the plane now, and I am scared, but I don't want to be. Yes, being scared of planes may sound ridiculous to you but I can't help it, for some random reason they scare me. I hate the feeling of being on a plane.. it terrifies me right down to my bones. Just rigid fear. I'm surprised I haven't had a heart attack or something. I wonder if there's some kind of drug I can take... let me know if you have any.. reasonable suggestions haha.
I used to not be scared of planes. For years. I didn't care at all about flying planes. I even flew in a tiny little plane once (for 4 people) and even that didn't scare me that much. What is wrong with mee?!?!
It worries Stephen, he wishes he could take my fear away. Maybe it's partially just that I am scared of leaving him. It's comfortable with him. I can relax, feel less pressured about.. Life. School. The world.
I get pretty freaking stressed out. I think I might have even had a panic attack once. Just to convince me more that being with Stephen is different, I haven't had any since we met again. It's just different when we're apart. No matter how much I don't want it to be (yes, I know it has to be different to some degree since we're not together but what I mean is I want to minimize that).
It feels different because we physically comfort each other, we don't have to deal with glitchy cameras or mics. Somehow Skype is more impersonal. I don't feel as close to him. I mean, I guess that seems kind of obvious when I put it that way, but I mean, it's true. Sometimes its hard to communicate everything with just words. Plus I am bad at changing my tone of voice. Stephens bad at wording things the right way.
But Maggie said something really important to me while she was here. You value the relationship more when you know what its like to be apart. It's so true, though. So in a way, long distance for a little bit benefits almost any relationship. Even if the people end up breaking up, a good relationship should be able to take some strain. A really good relationship should be able to take even more.
Giving up at the first sign of trouble is not a good sign of a strong relationship. But of course, I'm old fashioned when it comes to love. I haven't experimented or questioned my gender identity or dated lots of people. In fact, Stephen is my first and only boyfriend thus far. Honestly, I might well keep it that way. Not that I want anyone to rub it in later if I don't, but really. That's just how I feel.
And no, it wasn't Twilight that made me feel that way. I don't have really conservative parents (in fact, they're quite liberally) and I'm not in an identity seeking relationship (or at least, I don't think I am). It's just the kind of person that I am. I'm certainly not saying that it works out this way for many people. In fact, it probably won't for the vast majority. It just turned out that way for me, so please don't be hating.
Oh yeah, I just reminded myself. My grammar/ spelling has been kind of iffy in some of my entries... I need to work on that. The thing is I basically post these things right after I write them, because I'm not seeking compensation for this blog and it's just more of a space for me. Otherwise I would go back and edit out all my failness.
I hope all of this information is useful to someone out there. Otherwise, this is just documentation for me. Cheers.
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