So.. it's been two months since I've updated this. Probably anybody that did read it gave up checking since it's been so long, but since I'm doing this more for myself I don't really care. Honestly I am just using this blog as a ranting session for the moment because I am having problems. (cue typical angsty teenage blogger mode)
Now, maybe they're not really that big of problems. I mean, I'm not pregnant, I don't have cancer, I go to a fancy college, my parents pay for my shit and feed me, I have nice clothes, I don't have evil roommates, my dorm room is huge, I have friends who actually care in a variety of places, and I have a good job. What could I possibly complain about that wouldn't make me seem like an ungrateful bitch?
Well, now that I have that disclaimer, I am free to complain about any dumb meaningless thing I want to! Hey, at least I'm not being a hypocrite about it.
I think at some point I read in my psychology text book or perhaps elsewhere that humans have this tendency to compare themselves to the people nearest or closest in situation to themselves. It's always the people slightly 'above' oneself that makes one irritable and those slightly 'below' oneself that make them feel great.
Now, none of my friends have any of the problems I listed in my disclaimer. Well, okay, actually they do. But they also have several things I want. Now, being a stereotypical negative Russian hormonal female college student, I have trouble looking on the bright side of life and don't consider what I have that my friends don't have but instead consider what they have that I don't.
One of the main things right now is the all alluring registration window.
It seems that of all my friends I have by far the worst registration window. I always end up in very few classes that I had wanted/planned to take because my registration window is so late in the game that all the classes are full by the time I register.
THIS DRIVES ME CRAZY!
Maybe it's because I always felt like college was your one chance to take all the shit you ever dreamed of, and I had this heavenly portrait of college painted for me by my parents. It just seems unfair that my parents are paying huge bucks for me to go to this college and I can't even take the classes I want. I could show up to the first day of class and hope that the professors will open up room for me, but then I run the risk of being booted out of the class I was registered for previously.
Being booted out is unlikely, but still. I don't like it. I don't like trying to attend two sets of classes. It's hard because its not like the teachers are nice and don't assign homework during add drop weeks. No, they do! So then, if you're trying to get into, say, 3 classes, and trying not to get booted out of say, another 4 classes, then you're doing 7 classes worth of homework! That's CRAZY! No one here seems to think that is crazy. I find this rather irritating.
Okay, now that the registration topic is aside, I can move onto other things.
Actually, its getting rather late, so I think I will just write a quick life update and call it quits for the evening. This blogging thing really makes me feel better though, so I think I will try and write more in the future.
Classes this semester have been... too much work. Computer science labs consume a lot of time.. taking three one credit classes consumes more time than one three credit class would. Art is fun, but I'm also taking Calculus which more or less sucks. In fact, 8 of my 16 credits are in the logic oriented department rather than the creative one. I'm also taking Asian religions, which is interesting but totally irrelevant to everything. Oh yeah, and Advanced Conversational Russian, which is good but more work than 1 credit should be in my opinion.
Basically, I am drained. Full credit load is not my cup of tea. Or at least not this particular combination of courses.
Gah. I wish I could write more but I have class in the morning so.. peace out.
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
Sunday, September 19, 2010
Back on Campus
Man.. today I am in such a slump.
This music is helping, but still. I am sooo... sick of the world. Everything is irritating me. I get like this a lot, and its not a good thing. Sometimes I just hate people.
I'm far away from my boyfriend. I might not see him for a long time. That really, really sucks.
My classes are actually pretty good. Not exactly what I had planned, but more or less okay.
I ended up taking Asian Religions (Hindusim, Buddhism, and Confucianism to be exact), Principles of Computer Science I (learning Java, woo), Calculus (partially my parents bidding, but also should help with computer science maybe?), Design as a Social Process (we get to make a toy! Plus design posters, and other new media stuff), Russian (just conversational 1 credit, but it helps), Practical Software Development (Exco, aka experimental college, taught by students who happen to be my friends! It's super cool, I think I will learn how to use a graphics programming language), Practicum in Journalism (write 5 articles for the Oberlin Review, the college newspaper) .
Outside of this I also have my job, which I love. I hope it will one day get me into a journalism field, but who knows... at any rate I can't abandon it, either.
I don't know if that sounds totally crazy, its 16 credits, which is the max and whatnot, plus work but I mean.. it doesn't seem that bad now that I'm two weeks in. Calc is pretty straightforward, Computer Science, well it's like the intro class I took except slightly harder and in a different programming language, Asian Religions is just a lot of reading (ahem, 89 pages to read for the next class). Art is time consuming, which is always the case.
Our first assignment in art was to make a drawing of lines that represents a song. We were supposed to listen to the song and kind of.. draw out the beats and things with lines. I really struggled with it but it was kind of fun nonetheless. What I don't like about assignments like these is that sometimes people spend 10 seconds on it, and the teacher either can't tell or doesn't say anything, and the fact that the student didn't try at all is totally overlooked. This rather upsets me, because I spent probably 4 hours on that assignment.. *sigh*
It's been great to see my friends again, though. I like having intellectual conversations, just the fact alone that I am not holed up in an apartment where I know nobody in an hour vicinity of me, is quite nice. I like my single, though at first I was worried because I thought I would become a hermit. However, I am still inviting some of my friends over. My roommates from last year are expanding, making new friends, and that's okay too. I see a lot of people around campus that I know, it's just who I invite to my room is a little different.
I keep feeling like I should invite more since I have a TV in my room (yeah, yeah, I'm spoiled as hell, I know- but at least I didn't have a U-Haul truck come to my dorm room!) but I don't really want a party in my room either.. just some kind of middle ground. Hopefully I will figure it out somehow. I think being in a single helps me get my priorities straight and not rely on others to remind me of deadlines and things that I need to learn to look up myself. Though mostly it's just because I like to study in my room and not have to go to the library. Everyone has their own study preference, right?
It's nearly midnight and I'm not in bed. What is this nonsense. I have to get up at 8:30 AM.. I have made a bad choice. Of course I've been staying up till midnight all weekend so this is kind of expected I guess. Luckily on Tuesday's I only have class at 1, and no work either! It's fantastically planned schedule-wise.
I'm not incredibly happy with this entry, but because it's late this will have to be all, folks.
This music is helping, but still. I am sooo... sick of the world. Everything is irritating me. I get like this a lot, and its not a good thing. Sometimes I just hate people.
I'm far away from my boyfriend. I might not see him for a long time. That really, really sucks.
My classes are actually pretty good. Not exactly what I had planned, but more or less okay.
I ended up taking Asian Religions (Hindusim, Buddhism, and Confucianism to be exact), Principles of Computer Science I (learning Java, woo), Calculus (partially my parents bidding, but also should help with computer science maybe?), Design as a Social Process (we get to make a toy! Plus design posters, and other new media stuff), Russian (just conversational 1 credit, but it helps), Practical Software Development (Exco, aka experimental college, taught by students who happen to be my friends! It's super cool, I think I will learn how to use a graphics programming language), Practicum in Journalism (write 5 articles for the Oberlin Review, the college newspaper) .
Outside of this I also have my job, which I love. I hope it will one day get me into a journalism field, but who knows... at any rate I can't abandon it, either.
I don't know if that sounds totally crazy, its 16 credits, which is the max and whatnot, plus work but I mean.. it doesn't seem that bad now that I'm two weeks in. Calc is pretty straightforward, Computer Science, well it's like the intro class I took except slightly harder and in a different programming language, Asian Religions is just a lot of reading (ahem, 89 pages to read for the next class). Art is time consuming, which is always the case.
Our first assignment in art was to make a drawing of lines that represents a song. We were supposed to listen to the song and kind of.. draw out the beats and things with lines. I really struggled with it but it was kind of fun nonetheless. What I don't like about assignments like these is that sometimes people spend 10 seconds on it, and the teacher either can't tell or doesn't say anything, and the fact that the student didn't try at all is totally overlooked. This rather upsets me, because I spent probably 4 hours on that assignment.. *sigh*
It's been great to see my friends again, though. I like having intellectual conversations, just the fact alone that I am not holed up in an apartment where I know nobody in an hour vicinity of me, is quite nice. I like my single, though at first I was worried because I thought I would become a hermit. However, I am still inviting some of my friends over. My roommates from last year are expanding, making new friends, and that's okay too. I see a lot of people around campus that I know, it's just who I invite to my room is a little different.
I keep feeling like I should invite more since I have a TV in my room (yeah, yeah, I'm spoiled as hell, I know- but at least I didn't have a U-Haul truck come to my dorm room!) but I don't really want a party in my room either.. just some kind of middle ground. Hopefully I will figure it out somehow. I think being in a single helps me get my priorities straight and not rely on others to remind me of deadlines and things that I need to learn to look up myself. Though mostly it's just because I like to study in my room and not have to go to the library. Everyone has their own study preference, right?
It's nearly midnight and I'm not in bed. What is this nonsense. I have to get up at 8:30 AM.. I have made a bad choice. Of course I've been staying up till midnight all weekend so this is kind of expected I guess. Luckily on Tuesday's I only have class at 1, and no work either! It's fantastically planned schedule-wise.
I'm not incredibly happy with this entry, but because it's late this will have to be all, folks.
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Preparation
College is fast approaching. I have finally sorted out my schedule.. after much toiling with all my classes overlapping and such.
I don't know how it works with other colleges, but at Oberlin it's rather difficult to get into the classes you want to take, especially as a lower classman because unlike in universities where you go on a special track to reach your major, at Oberlin you can just take random classes from any department and it doesn't really matter because you're exploring your possibilities and the major isn't as important as the liberal artsy degree.
So basically the trade off is that in a university it's very difficult to take classes in fields outside the one you are pursuing, while in liberal arts schools like Oberlin it's much easier to takes classes in all sorts of fields but its harder to take the specific classes you may be most interested in. It's all about exploring your possibilities, and works especially well for those people who have a hard time deciding on a major.
Also, since Oberlin is a smaller school there aren't as many professors which means there aren't as many time slots for different classes. Now, this can prove rather frustrating because the more classes you try to take, the higher the probability that they will overlap. Especially if you take an art class for instance, which each class is three hours long and will almost for sure overlap with something else you want to take. Like, I wanted to take a typography type of design class as well as a drawing class, but I had to drop the drawing class because all three of the offered computer science labs overlapped with it *sigh*
But it's okay since instead I am taking a politics class about interpersonal/world conflict and how to deal with it and whatnot. It has a professor I like and plus politics is related to my interest in journalism so what the heck, it works for me.
So I'm taking calculus, computer science, conversational russian, design as a social process, peace and conflict studies, and hopefully this exco about programming practical stuff or something like that.. I'm mostly worried about calculus and computer science, but I looked up to comp sci prof on rate my professor and he got good ratings so it's all good.
Exco's (experimental college) are classes taught by students. They are awesome, because classes taught by students are really chill and there are quite a few to choose from. Of course, getting into them can be difficult especially if the exco is popular.
Anyways, I've been so stir crazy lately that I think I'm going to explode. At Oberlin there's always events and different people to see and stuff to do. And even if there isn't there's always homework! Plus I am looking forward to decorating my room and seeing my friends. It's hard to see them during breaks because they all go home (and for them home tends to be quite a distance away, like California).
So I am pretty sure I was going to say something more important in this post, but it evades me now.. oh, well, I have been really active on deviantart lately (not so much in posting new stuff but with networking and finding new artists I like) and I've done two digital drawings that I'm pretty proud of, considering my old ones sucked. So I'm getting a decent amount of new people commenting on my art or at least rating it, and I think I'm getting a pretty good number of positive responses, with some super positive ratings every once in a while. ^__^ My deviantart is http://jassele.deviantart.com/
The last few weeks have been pretty uneventful for me. Mostly buying college related stuff, then returning half of said college stuff. Otherwise: playing Fable 2, playing Civilization, browsing deviantart, chatting with my bf, reading a russian book, and sleeping?
I don't know how it works with other colleges, but at Oberlin it's rather difficult to get into the classes you want to take, especially as a lower classman because unlike in universities where you go on a special track to reach your major, at Oberlin you can just take random classes from any department and it doesn't really matter because you're exploring your possibilities and the major isn't as important as the liberal artsy degree.
So basically the trade off is that in a university it's very difficult to take classes in fields outside the one you are pursuing, while in liberal arts schools like Oberlin it's much easier to takes classes in all sorts of fields but its harder to take the specific classes you may be most interested in. It's all about exploring your possibilities, and works especially well for those people who have a hard time deciding on a major.
Also, since Oberlin is a smaller school there aren't as many professors which means there aren't as many time slots for different classes. Now, this can prove rather frustrating because the more classes you try to take, the higher the probability that they will overlap. Especially if you take an art class for instance, which each class is three hours long and will almost for sure overlap with something else you want to take. Like, I wanted to take a typography type of design class as well as a drawing class, but I had to drop the drawing class because all three of the offered computer science labs overlapped with it *sigh*
But it's okay since instead I am taking a politics class about interpersonal/world conflict and how to deal with it and whatnot. It has a professor I like and plus politics is related to my interest in journalism so what the heck, it works for me.
So I'm taking calculus, computer science, conversational russian, design as a social process, peace and conflict studies, and hopefully this exco about programming practical stuff or something like that.. I'm mostly worried about calculus and computer science, but I looked up to comp sci prof on rate my professor and he got good ratings so it's all good.
Exco's (experimental college) are classes taught by students. They are awesome, because classes taught by students are really chill and there are quite a few to choose from. Of course, getting into them can be difficult especially if the exco is popular.
Anyways, I've been so stir crazy lately that I think I'm going to explode. At Oberlin there's always events and different people to see and stuff to do. And even if there isn't there's always homework! Plus I am looking forward to decorating my room and seeing my friends. It's hard to see them during breaks because they all go home (and for them home tends to be quite a distance away, like California).
So I am pretty sure I was going to say something more important in this post, but it evades me now.. oh, well, I have been really active on deviantart lately (not so much in posting new stuff but with networking and finding new artists I like) and I've done two digital drawings that I'm pretty proud of, considering my old ones sucked. So I'm getting a decent amount of new people commenting on my art or at least rating it, and I think I'm getting a pretty good number of positive responses, with some super positive ratings every once in a while. ^__^ My deviantart is http://jassele.deviantart.com/
The last few weeks have been pretty uneventful for me. Mostly buying college related stuff, then returning half of said college stuff. Otherwise: playing Fable 2, playing Civilization, browsing deviantart, chatting with my bf, reading a russian book, and sleeping?
Saturday, August 21, 2010
Of College Related Topic Hopping
So I failed at the whole 250 words a day thing. It was going well.. for all of like, a week. I have had this idea for a novel in my head for eons. Since like fucking sophomore year of high school. But I mean, who am I kidding? The only way that it will ever get fully written is when I'm in one of my inspirational modes which I think I am currently on an artistic/ lazy curve. I drew a pic of lady gaga which was the best tablet drawing of mine to date but besides that.. not much output from me since last semester.
I go back to school soon. I'm not entirely sure how I feel about that... I think I might have a love hate relationship with Oberlin. My friends are pretty awesome. My job is pretty awesome. Everything else... well, lets just say it varies. Though everyone says that the first year is the worst and it only gets better (why am I not surprised considering the freshmen get the bottom choice for like, everything) I don't want to be too hopeful.
Since I got rejected a second time from the Creative Writing department I'm not sure when I will make my next attempt to break in. Maybe I will just attempt to bypass level 2 and take classes with level 3 professors who don't approve of the selective system. The thing that bothers me the most is that I really, really tried. I mean I wasn't just like.. hmm.. heres some stories just chilling here in my desk. Lemme just quick put those together and hand it in. HELL NO! I was like, okay here are a bunch of stories I wrote for class, but I need to edit them. I edited them once from the advice I had, then I referenced back with one of the TA's for the class and she gave me feedback 3 TIMES and I edited my crap after every time she gave me feedback. Apparently nobody cares about effort there, though. It's just a basis of sheer talent and lack of space.
This other guy I know only edited his crap once and got in. I mean really, world. What the fuck.
Honestly though, creative writing isn't practical. Neither is like half the majors at Oberlin, but that's because the major at Oberlin doesn't really matter. You can basically go there and afterward go into whatever the hell you want because nobody really cares. They're just all googly eyed that you graduated from there I guess? I'm not really sure how it works, but it probably has something to do with the fact that Oberlin is a liberal arts school so everyone just assumes you know enough of everything that it doesn't really matter what you do.
So since I seem to be topic hopping (I'm not this ADD in real life, I swear) I am also nervous because I'm taking like 16 credits and working next year. I know a lot of people from last year who took 16 credits and didn't fare well with a job. True, they weren't always very organized about it all, but still. I like having a little free time on the side. I don't enjoy killing myself.
So 16 credits for a university isn't really a big deal but 16 credits at Oberlin is the most you're allowed to take. Unless you're a double degree student (essentially you're brilliant and getting a music degree from the conservatory plus a normal college degree) in which case you can take up to 18.. don't quote me on that though.
Also I'm taking math. It's not that I sucked at math in high school.. but I mean, I took some honors or whatever but nothing major. I don't even know if I remember anything now. Plus there's computer science to add to the list. I enjoyed all the computer science classes I've taken already, but that doesn't mean I'm not a little nervous. This class will be more intense and math-y too.
So of course if I'm taking two classes like that I absolutely MUST have some art to balance it out. So I'm taking this typography-esque design class which is fantastic but I can't decide if I should take another art class too. What I don't like about the art classes is critique. It takes probably 2 and a half hours to get through each persons opinion about your work. Plus you always have to come up with some kind of meaning behind the piece.
I like artwork with meaning, but I hate making up meaning when I just wanted to make something pretty. Why is making something pretty such a horrible thing? Why must I have a whole back story? As far as hearing everyone's opinion: lets be honest. Sometimes it's nice to hear peoples opinions but other times they're either too harsh, or they're just making shit up. Or maybe I'm too sensitive. Art is one of those things where if I've worked on something for the past month its kind of hard to just sit there and take serious criticism.
I am excited to see all my friends again. It's kind of lonely in Cleveland where I know nobody except my parents and one other person who is about a 45 minute drive away. It's amazing how little they keep in touch over the summer, but I guess it makes me more excited to see them when school starts again. One of my friends practically disappeared off the face of the earth. She never checks her facebook, doesn't respond to e-mails, and well.. she's kind of a cave woman at times. I just hope she's hanging out with her friends at home and not just sitting at her house being antisocial.
Topic hop: dorms! I am going to be in a single... did I say this already? Whatever, but my room is freaking huge! I haven't measured it yet but I swear its at least 12 by 12 feet which compared to the normal singles is mega gigantic. It's going to be awesome having so much space to myself, especially since there will be less distractions. I'm not a library girl, I prefer working in my room. I also like that my dorm, Russian House, is farther away from main campus so it's quieter and people are more chill I think. Also since my room is nice and big and I'm bringing forms of entertainment and I can clean, my room can then be the hang out spot among my friends (not that nobody at Oberlin cleans, it's just that I'm one of the cleaner people I know, but hey I'm Russian and my family is a bunch of clean freaks). I think this will make me feel more in control of stuff.
I like feeling like I have control, because a lot of times I feel like things are spiraling out of my control. It gets like that when you have to move due to parents job changes. Or maybe that's just me.
Ugh. I am just so over my life right now. I think I am going to peace out now.
I go back to school soon. I'm not entirely sure how I feel about that... I think I might have a love hate relationship with Oberlin. My friends are pretty awesome. My job is pretty awesome. Everything else... well, lets just say it varies. Though everyone says that the first year is the worst and it only gets better (why am I not surprised considering the freshmen get the bottom choice for like, everything) I don't want to be too hopeful.
Since I got rejected a second time from the Creative Writing department I'm not sure when I will make my next attempt to break in. Maybe I will just attempt to bypass level 2 and take classes with level 3 professors who don't approve of the selective system. The thing that bothers me the most is that I really, really tried. I mean I wasn't just like.. hmm.. heres some stories just chilling here in my desk. Lemme just quick put those together and hand it in. HELL NO! I was like, okay here are a bunch of stories I wrote for class, but I need to edit them. I edited them once from the advice I had, then I referenced back with one of the TA's for the class and she gave me feedback 3 TIMES and I edited my crap after every time she gave me feedback. Apparently nobody cares about effort there, though. It's just a basis of sheer talent and lack of space.
This other guy I know only edited his crap once and got in. I mean really, world. What the fuck.
Honestly though, creative writing isn't practical. Neither is like half the majors at Oberlin, but that's because the major at Oberlin doesn't really matter. You can basically go there and afterward go into whatever the hell you want because nobody really cares. They're just all googly eyed that you graduated from there I guess? I'm not really sure how it works, but it probably has something to do with the fact that Oberlin is a liberal arts school so everyone just assumes you know enough of everything that it doesn't really matter what you do.
So since I seem to be topic hopping (I'm not this ADD in real life, I swear) I am also nervous because I'm taking like 16 credits and working next year. I know a lot of people from last year who took 16 credits and didn't fare well with a job. True, they weren't always very organized about it all, but still. I like having a little free time on the side. I don't enjoy killing myself.
So 16 credits for a university isn't really a big deal but 16 credits at Oberlin is the most you're allowed to take. Unless you're a double degree student (essentially you're brilliant and getting a music degree from the conservatory plus a normal college degree) in which case you can take up to 18.. don't quote me on that though.
Also I'm taking math. It's not that I sucked at math in high school.. but I mean, I took some honors or whatever but nothing major. I don't even know if I remember anything now. Plus there's computer science to add to the list. I enjoyed all the computer science classes I've taken already, but that doesn't mean I'm not a little nervous. This class will be more intense and math-y too.
So of course if I'm taking two classes like that I absolutely MUST have some art to balance it out. So I'm taking this typography-esque design class which is fantastic but I can't decide if I should take another art class too. What I don't like about the art classes is critique. It takes probably 2 and a half hours to get through each persons opinion about your work. Plus you always have to come up with some kind of meaning behind the piece.
I like artwork with meaning, but I hate making up meaning when I just wanted to make something pretty. Why is making something pretty such a horrible thing? Why must I have a whole back story? As far as hearing everyone's opinion: lets be honest. Sometimes it's nice to hear peoples opinions but other times they're either too harsh, or they're just making shit up. Or maybe I'm too sensitive. Art is one of those things where if I've worked on something for the past month its kind of hard to just sit there and take serious criticism.
I am excited to see all my friends again. It's kind of lonely in Cleveland where I know nobody except my parents and one other person who is about a 45 minute drive away. It's amazing how little they keep in touch over the summer, but I guess it makes me more excited to see them when school starts again. One of my friends practically disappeared off the face of the earth. She never checks her facebook, doesn't respond to e-mails, and well.. she's kind of a cave woman at times. I just hope she's hanging out with her friends at home and not just sitting at her house being antisocial.
Topic hop: dorms! I am going to be in a single... did I say this already? Whatever, but my room is freaking huge! I haven't measured it yet but I swear its at least 12 by 12 feet which compared to the normal singles is mega gigantic. It's going to be awesome having so much space to myself, especially since there will be less distractions. I'm not a library girl, I prefer working in my room. I also like that my dorm, Russian House, is farther away from main campus so it's quieter and people are more chill I think. Also since my room is nice and big and I'm bringing forms of entertainment and I can clean, my room can then be the hang out spot among my friends (not that nobody at Oberlin cleans, it's just that I'm one of the cleaner people I know, but hey I'm Russian and my family is a bunch of clean freaks). I think this will make me feel more in control of stuff.
I like feeling like I have control, because a lot of times I feel like things are spiraling out of my control. It gets like that when you have to move due to parents job changes. Or maybe that's just me.
Ugh. I am just so over my life right now. I think I am going to peace out now.
Thursday, August 12, 2010
The Dumb Things I Do
So this post is all about me and the dumb things I do. I do a lot of dumb things that if I didn't do, I would be a lot happier, a lot more functional, and my life would just be... better. Hopefully when I am done with this post I will be better at dealing with my fears and not be so dumb. So.. here goes.
The Dumb Things I Do:
1. Be Negative:
This is really problematic. Not only is it scientifically proven that being negative shortens your lifespan, it just.. makes you unhappy. So why on earth would anyone choose to be negative in the first place? I'm not really sure, but there's always this gravity pulling me towards it. Even if I suck at it, I need to try to think about the good things. Because a lot of the negative things I think about aren't even happening. They're more like what if's, worrying about the future, or unnecessarily remembering the past.
2. Be Paranoid:
I probably wouldn't be paranoid if I wasn't so negative, because you wouldn't be paranoid if you didn't think about potential negative things that could happen all the time. Paranoia is one of the most incapacitating feelings ever. You're not being afraid of something reasonable, so basically you're wasting your energy being scared and for all you know you'll give yourself a heart attack for what? Absolutely nothing! And it only hurts yourself. It's just awful. Paranoia is awful, and I pity everyone who has to deal with it.
3. Be Sensitive
Maybe I'm not that sensitive. I mean I know people more sensitive than me, but still. I have to realize that a lot of times people just say dumb shit. And if I'm always taking that shit personally my head will explode. Just be chill, Nadya. Don't take people so seriously. They usually don't know what the fuck they're talking about to begin with. And if they do, well, that's all fine and dandy too. But taking everyone too seriously is just a terrible idea. Because most people aren't serious. I need to learn to make distinctions on how to react internally.
4. Be Hard to Read
So even though I take things seriously all the time even when its dumb shit, nobody can ever tell when I'm upset or angry. Why, you may ask? Well, it's because I can't show it on my face. I am not really sure when this cropped up in my upbringing, but at some point I guess my facial expressions decided to peace out. It's not like my face is stone or anything, but when I'm around other people it seems to take them forever to figure out if I'm annoyed or something. Unless I tell them of course.
5. Bottle Things Up
I do this all the time. I never want to yell at anyone because well, that's just... bad. Though a lot of times I think people deserve it. But I have trouble relaxing and just letting go of things. I can't kick a chair or punch a pillow, that just makes me want to practice it on a real person. I can't clear my mind though I keep trying to meditate. I guess part of this is because I feel like people don't really care most of the time, which brings me to my next "dumb thing."
6. Be Cynical
Oh yeah. I am pretty damn cynical. I don't really believe in the goodness, or honesty of people. I mean, so much shit happens across the world and everyone is so self absorbed. I have little faith in humans.
7. Have High Expectations
I expect way too much from other people. That's why I'm cynical. Sorta at least. People disappoint me frequently.
So basically, I'm a formula for disaster. Or at least psychotic-ness. But that brings me to my last one.
8. Be Self Deprecating
Honestly I should have never called this list what I did because that in itself is self deprecating. I'm always dwelling on what I'm bad at or what I could improve on, I rarely feel like I did a good job unless someone directly compliments me, and it always has to be someone who doesn't compliment me frequently.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
I don't know how I deal with my life to be quite honest, after listing that all out. But I am working on it, starting out with this list. If it helps, then I will inform you all so maybe someone else can use this sort of idea for their purposes. Sometimes listing the things you have trouble with can be helpful. I think it works for me anyways. I try to add something in these posts thats useful to other people so I don't just seem like one of those self-absorbed assholes.
The Dumb Things I Do:
1. Be Negative:
This is really problematic. Not only is it scientifically proven that being negative shortens your lifespan, it just.. makes you unhappy. So why on earth would anyone choose to be negative in the first place? I'm not really sure, but there's always this gravity pulling me towards it. Even if I suck at it, I need to try to think about the good things. Because a lot of the negative things I think about aren't even happening. They're more like what if's, worrying about the future, or unnecessarily remembering the past.
2. Be Paranoid:
I probably wouldn't be paranoid if I wasn't so negative, because you wouldn't be paranoid if you didn't think about potential negative things that could happen all the time. Paranoia is one of the most incapacitating feelings ever. You're not being afraid of something reasonable, so basically you're wasting your energy being scared and for all you know you'll give yourself a heart attack for what? Absolutely nothing! And it only hurts yourself. It's just awful. Paranoia is awful, and I pity everyone who has to deal with it.
3. Be Sensitive
Maybe I'm not that sensitive. I mean I know people more sensitive than me, but still. I have to realize that a lot of times people just say dumb shit. And if I'm always taking that shit personally my head will explode. Just be chill, Nadya. Don't take people so seriously. They usually don't know what the fuck they're talking about to begin with. And if they do, well, that's all fine and dandy too. But taking everyone too seriously is just a terrible idea. Because most people aren't serious. I need to learn to make distinctions on how to react internally.
4. Be Hard to Read
So even though I take things seriously all the time even when its dumb shit, nobody can ever tell when I'm upset or angry. Why, you may ask? Well, it's because I can't show it on my face. I am not really sure when this cropped up in my upbringing, but at some point I guess my facial expressions decided to peace out. It's not like my face is stone or anything, but when I'm around other people it seems to take them forever to figure out if I'm annoyed or something. Unless I tell them of course.
5. Bottle Things Up
I do this all the time. I never want to yell at anyone because well, that's just... bad. Though a lot of times I think people deserve it. But I have trouble relaxing and just letting go of things. I can't kick a chair or punch a pillow, that just makes me want to practice it on a real person. I can't clear my mind though I keep trying to meditate. I guess part of this is because I feel like people don't really care most of the time, which brings me to my next "dumb thing."
6. Be Cynical
Oh yeah. I am pretty damn cynical. I don't really believe in the goodness, or honesty of people. I mean, so much shit happens across the world and everyone is so self absorbed. I have little faith in humans.
7. Have High Expectations
I expect way too much from other people. That's why I'm cynical. Sorta at least. People disappoint me frequently.
So basically, I'm a formula for disaster. Or at least psychotic-ness. But that brings me to my last one.
8. Be Self Deprecating
Honestly I should have never called this list what I did because that in itself is self deprecating. I'm always dwelling on what I'm bad at or what I could improve on, I rarely feel like I did a good job unless someone directly compliments me, and it always has to be someone who doesn't compliment me frequently.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
I don't know how I deal with my life to be quite honest, after listing that all out. But I am working on it, starting out with this list. If it helps, then I will inform you all so maybe someone else can use this sort of idea for their purposes. Sometimes listing the things you have trouble with can be helpful. I think it works for me anyways. I try to add something in these posts thats useful to other people so I don't just seem like one of those self-absorbed assholes.
Thursday, August 05, 2010
Giant Ass Update (or something like that)
It's been a few weeks since I posted anything. I knew this would happen, because it is the summer and my school year was fairly stressful in my opinion. Plus I've spent this whole month with my boyfriend which means a lot to me and I wanted to savor every moment of it rather than spend it all working. Not that updating my blog is really working per say, but it's kind of.. work-like.
I was looking back at my last few posts and thinking, you know its really nice to have documentation like this. Especially since I tend to forget things that I wish I didn't forget about. I like having little tidbits written down to help jog my memory. Otherwise it may be lost to my confused brain forever.
Especially important to document (for myself of course) is the time I'm spending now with Stephen. Mainly because I know later it will feel like a dream or something. I don't want it to be like that.
So this post may be full of stuff that isn't all that interesting to other people, but it's some of the stuff I've done these past few weeks.
Yesterday I went to Stephen's good friend's birthday party. It was kinda fun, we watched Kung Fu Hustle which has got to be the most ridiculous Kung Fu movie ever, where this axe gang wants to destroy this town of people who are all randomly amazing at kung gu. There were so many totally fake effects, like this man doing Kung Fu*toad style* and his face getting all weird like a toad, and this other guy getting thrown several miles into the sky and then as he fell setting on fire and leaving a giant palm imprint into the ground as he landed. There was also this lady who did the "Lions Roar" where she basically contorted her waist and filled her boobs? with air and let out a sound so loud that it even destroyed the evil musical instrument that kills people! Woah! Yet despite its total ridiculousness I think I was taking the movie a bit too seriously.
A friend of mine also brought cake flavored gelato. It was nummy. Stephen played the Wii, since he's not into movies much. They also watched Hangover which.. uh.. I have nothing to say about that movie...
pause: Stephen just shot a guy in his game with like only three bullet and the target was just like sitting against a wall and suddenly he goes like flying like halfway across the room. Realistic physics anyone?
So what else have I been up to?
I went up to Stephen's cabin with him and his family. We did a lot up there. Golfing, swimming in Devil's Lake, a little shopping (Kiwi Banana smoothie anyone?), hiking, a visit to a casino (unfortunately 19 year olds can only play bingo- *sigh*). We also saw two movies- Tim Burton's 9 and The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus. Both good movies. Even Stephen kinda liked them. Considering we were only there for three days, it was very eventful. I had a great time, there was good weather, beautiful nature, I couldn't have asked for a better cabin visit.
It was only my second time ever playing golf but I didn't do too awful considering. Stephen still pwned me though.
Okay, so my whole time here hasn't been like crazy doing stuff all the time. A good number of days were spent playing Fallout 3. Damn, what a good game. I swear sometimes I prefer video games over reality. They're just so much fun! I love Fallout because there's just SO MUCH. Theres a huge map, lots of exploring you can do, tons of side quests, enough dialogue to maintain a good storyline, just all around fantastic game. I think I want to get an Xbox myself.
I've also played a bit of Naughty Bear, a game where you're this bear who all the other bears tease and basically, you've had enough so you decide that its time for payback. Basically you get to shove bears down toilets, in ovens, fridges, etc. You can stab them, shoot them, shred them, punch them, whatever you please.
But before killing them you must first psychologically torture them by sabotaging all their stuff, breaking their windows, breaking stuff, sneaking up on them and screaming in their face.. uhm.. oh yeah and when you sabotage their stuff they go an repair it which is when you go up behind them and kill them with whatever they are repairing. It's the perfect game for getting out all that pent up rage!
But yeah.. now that everyone probably thinks I'm crazy.. what else have I done recently?
Oh yeah, a friend of mine hosted a tea party of sorts. We had lots of nummy stuff, like curry, dutch caramel wafers, green tea (or at least I had blueberry green tea), cherry stuffed crepes, and candies. It was SO good. We also watched that ancient animated version of the Hobbit. Oh yeah, and we chatted with another friend of mine, Maggie over skype since she left only a week after I got here. She had to go back to Puerto Rico to start her classes. I was happy to see her for at least a little bit.
Maggie is one of the few friends of mine who understands what its like living in what seems like two worlds. Plus she is uber sympathetic and interesting and just all around awesome. We share a lot of the same interests like writing and psychology and dark stuff.. its a good time.
Tracing back my steps, the other major thing we did was go to the Mall of America. That was when Maggie was still here. Actually, I went there twice. Once with all my friends, where we rode up in gender secluded cars (lol) mainly just because I hadn't seen a lot of my girlfriends in a while and I thought it would be fun. We got lost on the way, but it was so much fun. My friends are so funny and random and... I don't know exactly what we even were talking about, but I had forgotten I could laugh that much. The boys gave us a lot of crap for being lost.. well, some anyways. They are less directionally challenged. But hey, we only got lost once!
The car we took up was this old luxury car with leather seats and butt warmers and lights next to the mirrors and all this other random cool stuff. I loved it.
I've been buying a lot here. The first mall visit I got a dress from Forever 21 and.. I don't remember what else. The second time I got a cup of tea from Teavana (best tea evar!), a gift for my mama, a Lady Gaga-esque dress from H & M for five bucks(!), and noms at Nordstrom cafe. I guess to some people thats not that much but eh, it seemed like a lot at the time? I dunno.
We also go on walks pretty frequently. Today we went on an hour walk in Oxbow, which is like forest trails that I am really familiar with since I've been going there since the summer before 8th grade. It's familiar, but beautiful nonetheless. Especially this time of year.
I don't really want to go home. I know I'm going to take the plane now, and I am scared, but I don't want to be. Yes, being scared of planes may sound ridiculous to you but I can't help it, for some random reason they scare me. I hate the feeling of being on a plane.. it terrifies me right down to my bones. Just rigid fear. I'm surprised I haven't had a heart attack or something. I wonder if there's some kind of drug I can take... let me know if you have any.. reasonable suggestions haha.
I used to not be scared of planes. For years. I didn't care at all about flying planes. I even flew in a tiny little plane once (for 4 people) and even that didn't scare me that much. What is wrong with mee?!?!
It worries Stephen, he wishes he could take my fear away. Maybe it's partially just that I am scared of leaving him. It's comfortable with him. I can relax, feel less pressured about.. Life. School. The world.
I get pretty freaking stressed out. I think I might have even had a panic attack once. Just to convince me more that being with Stephen is different, I haven't had any since we met again. It's just different when we're apart. No matter how much I don't want it to be (yes, I know it has to be different to some degree since we're not together but what I mean is I want to minimize that).
It feels different because we physically comfort each other, we don't have to deal with glitchy cameras or mics. Somehow Skype is more impersonal. I don't feel as close to him. I mean, I guess that seems kind of obvious when I put it that way, but I mean, it's true. Sometimes its hard to communicate everything with just words. Plus I am bad at changing my tone of voice. Stephens bad at wording things the right way.
But Maggie said something really important to me while she was here. You value the relationship more when you know what its like to be apart. It's so true, though. So in a way, long distance for a little bit benefits almost any relationship. Even if the people end up breaking up, a good relationship should be able to take some strain. A really good relationship should be able to take even more.
Giving up at the first sign of trouble is not a good sign of a strong relationship. But of course, I'm old fashioned when it comes to love. I haven't experimented or questioned my gender identity or dated lots of people. In fact, Stephen is my first and only boyfriend thus far. Honestly, I might well keep it that way. Not that I want anyone to rub it in later if I don't, but really. That's just how I feel.
And no, it wasn't Twilight that made me feel that way. I don't have really conservative parents (in fact, they're quite liberally) and I'm not in an identity seeking relationship (or at least, I don't think I am). It's just the kind of person that I am. I'm certainly not saying that it works out this way for many people. In fact, it probably won't for the vast majority. It just turned out that way for me, so please don't be hating.
Oh yeah, I just reminded myself. My grammar/ spelling has been kind of iffy in some of my entries... I need to work on that. The thing is I basically post these things right after I write them, because I'm not seeking compensation for this blog and it's just more of a space for me. Otherwise I would go back and edit out all my failness.
I hope all of this information is useful to someone out there. Otherwise, this is just documentation for me. Cheers.
I was looking back at my last few posts and thinking, you know its really nice to have documentation like this. Especially since I tend to forget things that I wish I didn't forget about. I like having little tidbits written down to help jog my memory. Otherwise it may be lost to my confused brain forever.
Especially important to document (for myself of course) is the time I'm spending now with Stephen. Mainly because I know later it will feel like a dream or something. I don't want it to be like that.
So this post may be full of stuff that isn't all that interesting to other people, but it's some of the stuff I've done these past few weeks.
Yesterday I went to Stephen's good friend's birthday party. It was kinda fun, we watched Kung Fu Hustle which has got to be the most ridiculous Kung Fu movie ever, where this axe gang wants to destroy this town of people who are all randomly amazing at kung gu. There were so many totally fake effects, like this man doing Kung Fu*toad style* and his face getting all weird like a toad, and this other guy getting thrown several miles into the sky and then as he fell setting on fire and leaving a giant palm imprint into the ground as he landed. There was also this lady who did the "Lions Roar" where she basically contorted her waist and filled her boobs? with air and let out a sound so loud that it even destroyed the evil musical instrument that kills people! Woah! Yet despite its total ridiculousness I think I was taking the movie a bit too seriously.
A friend of mine also brought cake flavored gelato. It was nummy. Stephen played the Wii, since he's not into movies much. They also watched Hangover which.. uh.. I have nothing to say about that movie...
pause: Stephen just shot a guy in his game with like only three bullet and the target was just like sitting against a wall and suddenly he goes like flying like halfway across the room. Realistic physics anyone?
So what else have I been up to?
I went up to Stephen's cabin with him and his family. We did a lot up there. Golfing, swimming in Devil's Lake, a little shopping (Kiwi Banana smoothie anyone?), hiking, a visit to a casino (unfortunately 19 year olds can only play bingo- *sigh*). We also saw two movies- Tim Burton's 9 and The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus. Both good movies. Even Stephen kinda liked them. Considering we were only there for three days, it was very eventful. I had a great time, there was good weather, beautiful nature, I couldn't have asked for a better cabin visit.
It was only my second time ever playing golf but I didn't do too awful considering. Stephen still pwned me though.
Okay, so my whole time here hasn't been like crazy doing stuff all the time. A good number of days were spent playing Fallout 3. Damn, what a good game. I swear sometimes I prefer video games over reality. They're just so much fun! I love Fallout because there's just SO MUCH. Theres a huge map, lots of exploring you can do, tons of side quests, enough dialogue to maintain a good storyline, just all around fantastic game. I think I want to get an Xbox myself.
I've also played a bit of Naughty Bear, a game where you're this bear who all the other bears tease and basically, you've had enough so you decide that its time for payback. Basically you get to shove bears down toilets, in ovens, fridges, etc. You can stab them, shoot them, shred them, punch them, whatever you please.
But before killing them you must first psychologically torture them by sabotaging all their stuff, breaking their windows, breaking stuff, sneaking up on them and screaming in their face.. uhm.. oh yeah and when you sabotage their stuff they go an repair it which is when you go up behind them and kill them with whatever they are repairing. It's the perfect game for getting out all that pent up rage!
But yeah.. now that everyone probably thinks I'm crazy.. what else have I done recently?
Oh yeah, a friend of mine hosted a tea party of sorts. We had lots of nummy stuff, like curry, dutch caramel wafers, green tea (or at least I had blueberry green tea), cherry stuffed crepes, and candies. It was SO good. We also watched that ancient animated version of the Hobbit. Oh yeah, and we chatted with another friend of mine, Maggie over skype since she left only a week after I got here. She had to go back to Puerto Rico to start her classes. I was happy to see her for at least a little bit.
Maggie is one of the few friends of mine who understands what its like living in what seems like two worlds. Plus she is uber sympathetic and interesting and just all around awesome. We share a lot of the same interests like writing and psychology and dark stuff.. its a good time.
Tracing back my steps, the other major thing we did was go to the Mall of America. That was when Maggie was still here. Actually, I went there twice. Once with all my friends, where we rode up in gender secluded cars (lol) mainly just because I hadn't seen a lot of my girlfriends in a while and I thought it would be fun. We got lost on the way, but it was so much fun. My friends are so funny and random and... I don't know exactly what we even were talking about, but I had forgotten I could laugh that much. The boys gave us a lot of crap for being lost.. well, some anyways. They are less directionally challenged. But hey, we only got lost once!
The car we took up was this old luxury car with leather seats and butt warmers and lights next to the mirrors and all this other random cool stuff. I loved it.
I've been buying a lot here. The first mall visit I got a dress from Forever 21 and.. I don't remember what else. The second time I got a cup of tea from Teavana (best tea evar!), a gift for my mama, a Lady Gaga-esque dress from H & M for five bucks(!), and noms at Nordstrom cafe. I guess to some people thats not that much but eh, it seemed like a lot at the time? I dunno.
We also go on walks pretty frequently. Today we went on an hour walk in Oxbow, which is like forest trails that I am really familiar with since I've been going there since the summer before 8th grade. It's familiar, but beautiful nonetheless. Especially this time of year.
I don't really want to go home. I know I'm going to take the plane now, and I am scared, but I don't want to be. Yes, being scared of planes may sound ridiculous to you but I can't help it, for some random reason they scare me. I hate the feeling of being on a plane.. it terrifies me right down to my bones. Just rigid fear. I'm surprised I haven't had a heart attack or something. I wonder if there's some kind of drug I can take... let me know if you have any.. reasonable suggestions haha.
I used to not be scared of planes. For years. I didn't care at all about flying planes. I even flew in a tiny little plane once (for 4 people) and even that didn't scare me that much. What is wrong with mee?!?!
It worries Stephen, he wishes he could take my fear away. Maybe it's partially just that I am scared of leaving him. It's comfortable with him. I can relax, feel less pressured about.. Life. School. The world.
I get pretty freaking stressed out. I think I might have even had a panic attack once. Just to convince me more that being with Stephen is different, I haven't had any since we met again. It's just different when we're apart. No matter how much I don't want it to be (yes, I know it has to be different to some degree since we're not together but what I mean is I want to minimize that).
It feels different because we physically comfort each other, we don't have to deal with glitchy cameras or mics. Somehow Skype is more impersonal. I don't feel as close to him. I mean, I guess that seems kind of obvious when I put it that way, but I mean, it's true. Sometimes its hard to communicate everything with just words. Plus I am bad at changing my tone of voice. Stephens bad at wording things the right way.
But Maggie said something really important to me while she was here. You value the relationship more when you know what its like to be apart. It's so true, though. So in a way, long distance for a little bit benefits almost any relationship. Even if the people end up breaking up, a good relationship should be able to take some strain. A really good relationship should be able to take even more.
Giving up at the first sign of trouble is not a good sign of a strong relationship. But of course, I'm old fashioned when it comes to love. I haven't experimented or questioned my gender identity or dated lots of people. In fact, Stephen is my first and only boyfriend thus far. Honestly, I might well keep it that way. Not that I want anyone to rub it in later if I don't, but really. That's just how I feel.
And no, it wasn't Twilight that made me feel that way. I don't have really conservative parents (in fact, they're quite liberally) and I'm not in an identity seeking relationship (or at least, I don't think I am). It's just the kind of person that I am. I'm certainly not saying that it works out this way for many people. In fact, it probably won't for the vast majority. It just turned out that way for me, so please don't be hating.
Oh yeah, I just reminded myself. My grammar/ spelling has been kind of iffy in some of my entries... I need to work on that. The thing is I basically post these things right after I write them, because I'm not seeking compensation for this blog and it's just more of a space for me. Otherwise I would go back and edit out all my failness.
I hope all of this information is useful to someone out there. Otherwise, this is just documentation for me. Cheers.
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
Of Right Brainers, Minnesota, and a Certain Haven
So, my last post was pretty lame since I had just ridden a bus for 16 hours and I thought it necessary to make a better, less lame post.
It's kind of hard to focus when your boyfriend and his friend is playing Resident Evil on professional level on his new Xbox 360 and trying to kill this parasite infested troll swinging a pole at his face...
But I will try to focus. I found this book in my boyfriend's house called A Whole New Mind: Why Right Brainers Will Rule the Future, and it has been quite inspirational for me because the right brain is basically the artistic, caring, humorous, more abstract side and the whole book is about basically why careers like accounting, programming, law, and being a doctor (doctoring-wtf?) are either being totally restructured where the focus is on people skills (doctors), otherwise they are being shipped overseas since they will do it faster and cheaper (programming), otherwise robots are doing it (accounting, law).
Some of the other reasons right brainers are taking over is because right now is a time of plenty where a product that will "do the job its made for" isn't enough. The function is expected since the market is overflowing with so many varieties of the same thing (for example, cell phones) that now everyone is calling on designers to make their products stand out and sell better.
This book is both inspirational and disconcerting to me, because I was thinking about majoring in Computer Science and Art. Art, obviously, from the perspective of this book, is good. However Computer Science is one of those majors that people in India do cheaper and better. Yet at the same time, my creative/ people skills might help me come up with ideas for programs and implement those ideas rather than necessarily being the programmer per say. So maybe being a computer programmer is still not such a terrible idea.
You see, my parents are always worried that majors such as creative writing and art are wildly impractical and from the beginning they wanted me to be a doctor, but now that is definitely not in my cards (I am simply not cut out to be a doctor, and I am not a big fan of science) so they were hoping that I would pursue Computer Science since I rather enjoyed my Python and Computer Animation classes.
They beat the troll. Yeah!
Uh, anyways.. haha.. What was I saying?
I guess I wanted this post to be a bit of an inspirational thing for all those artists out their whose IQ's aren't super high and worry about their futures -it's OK! You'll be fine, and probably better off! People will love you for your creative spirits because that's the future! K? Good.
I still don't know what I should do.. double major in Computer Science and Art or.. something else. I also want to minor in Creative Writing. Really I wouldn't major in computer science if one of the classes (game design) wasn't way in the upper level. In order to get up to that class, I basically have to major. I just thought if I wanted to do animation.. or games.. I would want to go there. But for that I need to take math classes and... programming classes.. *sigh*
So I found this thing on one of the blogs I watch called the 250 Words a Day Challenge.. basically.. try and write 250 words a day, and don't like get let down too much like in Nano and give up. KEEP GOING. And 250 really isn't that big of a goal. I think maybe.. just maybe I can do it. Because I have this story, see.. and I've been procrastinating it. Plus 250 words won't really take away much time from my boyfriend/ friend time so you know, I think I can handle it. I've been working on this sci fi story where the premise is basically that the world is moreorless apocalyptic.. but humans basically made this place called Haven.. where only the elite humans are permitted to enter.. and basically they are chosen in such a way that Haven is a utopia of only kind, caring, respectful people led by a group called Royale. People that aren't in Haven kinda hate it.. obviously.. and one man is on a certain.. vendetta.
I want this story to be done so yeah... I need some kind of motivation.
Being back in Minnesota.. it's a little weird, but I was here for Spring Break so I guess.. I dunno. Part of me still feels like I live here, and I know that staying here for a month I might really have a hard time transitioning back to my er.. real home? in Cleveland. Even though I will go back to Oberlin pretty soon after. I did live in Minnesota for 5 years. I might even move back after college. It's a more familiar place than Ohio is even though I lived in Ohio as a kid. I still spend most of my time in Ohio at Oberlin, and most of the people at Oberlin don't live in Ohio. So when I talk to people at Oberlin knowing that they go back home in like, California every holiday I feel like I'm not that different from them. I just spend a portion of holidays at "home" and then the other portion at my "second home" I guess.
I'm not going to lie, it kinda sucks. I miss my boyfriend and my friends, sometimes I have to resort to just.. avoiding thinking about it. Which I've gotten pretty good at. Plus I do have reasonably good friends at Oberlin that make me laugh and take my mind off of things. And you know, the workload generally keeps me occupied.
Did you know that IQ accounts for only 4 to 10 percent of career success? Isn't that crazy?
My boyfriend didn't seem surprised but I was. I guess within the career path you find yourself in, your moving up in the ranks is more thanks to a good sense of humor, empathy, etc. Oberlin is kind of all about being smart.. so now I want to make even more sure that I don't focus too much on the smartness quota, even though that's the only reason I got into Oberlin. Other things matter too.
That's all for now, folks!
It's kind of hard to focus when your boyfriend and his friend is playing Resident Evil on professional level on his new Xbox 360 and trying to kill this parasite infested troll swinging a pole at his face...
But I will try to focus. I found this book in my boyfriend's house called A Whole New Mind: Why Right Brainers Will Rule the Future, and it has been quite inspirational for me because the right brain is basically the artistic, caring, humorous, more abstract side and the whole book is about basically why careers like accounting, programming, law, and being a doctor (doctoring-wtf?) are either being totally restructured where the focus is on people skills (doctors), otherwise they are being shipped overseas since they will do it faster and cheaper (programming), otherwise robots are doing it (accounting, law).
Some of the other reasons right brainers are taking over is because right now is a time of plenty where a product that will "do the job its made for" isn't enough. The function is expected since the market is overflowing with so many varieties of the same thing (for example, cell phones) that now everyone is calling on designers to make their products stand out and sell better.
This book is both inspirational and disconcerting to me, because I was thinking about majoring in Computer Science and Art. Art, obviously, from the perspective of this book, is good. However Computer Science is one of those majors that people in India do cheaper and better. Yet at the same time, my creative/ people skills might help me come up with ideas for programs and implement those ideas rather than necessarily being the programmer per say. So maybe being a computer programmer is still not such a terrible idea.
You see, my parents are always worried that majors such as creative writing and art are wildly impractical and from the beginning they wanted me to be a doctor, but now that is definitely not in my cards (I am simply not cut out to be a doctor, and I am not a big fan of science) so they were hoping that I would pursue Computer Science since I rather enjoyed my Python and Computer Animation classes.
They beat the troll. Yeah!
Uh, anyways.. haha.. What was I saying?
I guess I wanted this post to be a bit of an inspirational thing for all those artists out their whose IQ's aren't super high and worry about their futures -it's OK! You'll be fine, and probably better off! People will love you for your creative spirits because that's the future! K? Good.
I still don't know what I should do.. double major in Computer Science and Art or.. something else. I also want to minor in Creative Writing. Really I wouldn't major in computer science if one of the classes (game design) wasn't way in the upper level. In order to get up to that class, I basically have to major. I just thought if I wanted to do animation.. or games.. I would want to go there. But for that I need to take math classes and... programming classes.. *sigh*
So I found this thing on one of the blogs I watch called the 250 Words a Day Challenge.. basically.. try and write 250 words a day, and don't like get let down too much like in Nano and give up. KEEP GOING. And 250 really isn't that big of a goal. I think maybe.. just maybe I can do it. Because I have this story, see.. and I've been procrastinating it. Plus 250 words won't really take away much time from my boyfriend/ friend time so you know, I think I can handle it. I've been working on this sci fi story where the premise is basically that the world is moreorless apocalyptic.. but humans basically made this place called Haven.. where only the elite humans are permitted to enter.. and basically they are chosen in such a way that Haven is a utopia of only kind, caring, respectful people led by a group called Royale. People that aren't in Haven kinda hate it.. obviously.. and one man is on a certain.. vendetta.
I want this story to be done so yeah... I need some kind of motivation.
Being back in Minnesota.. it's a little weird, but I was here for Spring Break so I guess.. I dunno. Part of me still feels like I live here, and I know that staying here for a month I might really have a hard time transitioning back to my er.. real home? in Cleveland. Even though I will go back to Oberlin pretty soon after. I did live in Minnesota for 5 years. I might even move back after college. It's a more familiar place than Ohio is even though I lived in Ohio as a kid. I still spend most of my time in Ohio at Oberlin, and most of the people at Oberlin don't live in Ohio. So when I talk to people at Oberlin knowing that they go back home in like, California every holiday I feel like I'm not that different from them. I just spend a portion of holidays at "home" and then the other portion at my "second home" I guess.
I'm not going to lie, it kinda sucks. I miss my boyfriend and my friends, sometimes I have to resort to just.. avoiding thinking about it. Which I've gotten pretty good at. Plus I do have reasonably good friends at Oberlin that make me laugh and take my mind off of things. And you know, the workload generally keeps me occupied.
Did you know that IQ accounts for only 4 to 10 percent of career success? Isn't that crazy?
My boyfriend didn't seem surprised but I was. I guess within the career path you find yourself in, your moving up in the ranks is more thanks to a good sense of humor, empathy, etc. Oberlin is kind of all about being smart.. so now I want to make even more sure that I don't focus too much on the smartness quota, even though that's the only reason I got into Oberlin. Other things matter too.
That's all for now, folks!
Sunday, July 18, 2010
Megabus
So today I am in Minnesota, officially. I didn't think I would make any blog posts once I got here, and I probably won't but since I am here for a month this time I am hoping that I will not totally neglect my writing.
Yesterday I spent all day on a bus. We were lucky and got megabus both times. Megabus's have outlets and WiFi which is pretty freaking awesome considering we were on a bus for like 16 hours. You know, after about 14 hours when things were finally starting to wrap up my boyfriends dad calls him saying that there is a storm in Minneapolis and that some trees have been toppled, some tornadoes could be touching down. No big deal, after all, we're in a big bus and you know.. we're on the second floor so we'd be totally fine, right? WRONG. So it started getting dark and then there were these big dramatic lightning flashes in the distance and then the sky got all scary looking and then it started pouring like crazy and the sky was turning from yellow to black in flashes of 10 second intervals. It was like a child playing with a light switch.
I was pretty scared of the storm, so I huddled up next to my boyfriend and hid my face so I didn't have to worry about our bus driving into a tree or off a bridge. and he patted me and comforted me My boyfriend got really excited because for once we were fitting into our gender roles.
My sleep last night was kind of awful. Nevertheless though, I couldn't wake up. I know I was in this weird, deep yet fitful sleep. I didn't enjoy it too much.
Otherwise, I've been hanging out with my friends and catching up on life. For now I'm just going to try to enjoy my life. Maybe tomorrow I will update further.
Yesterday I spent all day on a bus. We were lucky and got megabus both times. Megabus's have outlets and WiFi which is pretty freaking awesome considering we were on a bus for like 16 hours. You know, after about 14 hours when things were finally starting to wrap up my boyfriends dad calls him saying that there is a storm in Minneapolis and that some trees have been toppled, some tornadoes could be touching down. No big deal, after all, we're in a big bus and you know.. we're on the second floor so we'd be totally fine, right? WRONG. So it started getting dark and then there were these big dramatic lightning flashes in the distance and then the sky got all scary looking and then it started pouring like crazy and the sky was turning from yellow to black in flashes of 10 second intervals. It was like a child playing with a light switch.
I was pretty scared of the storm, so I huddled up next to my boyfriend and hid my face so I didn't have to worry about our bus driving into a tree or off a bridge. and he patted me and comforted me My boyfriend got really excited because for once we were fitting into our gender roles.
My sleep last night was kind of awful. Nevertheless though, I couldn't wake up. I know I was in this weird, deep yet fitful sleep. I didn't enjoy it too much.
Otherwise, I've been hanging out with my friends and catching up on life. For now I'm just going to try to enjoy my life. Maybe tomorrow I will update further.
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
Of Concerts and Eclipse
I won't be writing many posts for this month because I am going to be avec my boyfriend and I don't get to see him very often, on top of which I will also be getting to see a lot of my other friends that I get to see even less often. SOOO basically I won't be on here because I have better things to do. Like having fun, which I'm not always very good at. Especially during the school year.
But since it has been a week I figured I should write something. Tomorrow I will be at a Lady Gaga concert which is super exciting. As one of my friends pointed out, not seeing her would be like not having seen Madonna in her prime if I was an older person. I think this is basically true. Plus I like her more than Madonna. I love her style, and her ambition, and her super amazing talent. I love how she isn't afraid to be weird/freaky/disturbing/against the mainstream. Lady Gaga is probably the most famous people I will ever see live. She isn't my favorite singer (Ayumi Hamasaki is, and sadly I don't think I will see her in concert T___T) but she is pretty awesome so you know, I'm all good with it.
Really the only concert I've gone to is Utada Hikaru. But she is one of my favorite singers, too, so it counts as better than just one concert for me.
I was hoping this summer to get some writing done but I haven't written anything except for my creative writing class and the beginning of another nanowrimo. So I'm a little dissapointed with myself but at the same time, I like having a stress free month or two.
I saw Twilight Eclipse.
I don't understand why people think it was the best movie. I would have rather watched grass grow it was so boring.
Here is my summary of the Twilight Eclipse movie. It's rather long.
*makeout scene*
Edward: Bella, marry me.
Bella: Edward, turn me!
Edward: NOOOO NEEVER!! Your life will never be the same, you don't understand how painful and terrible it is and all the vampires wish they could take it back and it's worse than death!
Bella: Please?
Edward: Well fine, but first you have to marry me and then graduate high school.
Bella: Okay!
Bella's Dad: Now Bella, even though I always conveniently let you do what you want, to force a tense moment for the plot I am now going to make you talk to Jacob because you only ever spend time with Edward and I'm too stupid to realize that they are both perverted males who want you in their pants and I might trigger a murderous rampage where they kill each other fighting over you.
Bella: Ugh, fine dad! I guess even though he hates me and might kill me and Edward said it was a bad idea and his buddy can see into the future, I'll go talk to Jacob because it's the right thing to do.
At Jacobs...
Jacob: I want you in my pants right now Bella.
Bella: I'm going to be a vampire when I graduate.
Jacob: Fuck you, bitch, you might as well be dead!
Bella: I can't believe you just said that!
Jacob: Forgive me! I still want to be in your pants! I love you more than the dead guy! See, I'm warm and fuzzy! Pet me!
- insert a billion moments where both vampires and werewolves tell her that being a vampire sucks and that vampires have done evil terrible things to the werewolves and the humans that they turned and even the vampires don't like being vampires-
Bella: But, I'm not like everyone else! There is nothing I will ever want more than Edward! Nothing! Not even air! Or chocolate!
One of the vampire chicks whose name I can't remember: DUN DUN DUN except blood!!
Bella: I will conveniently not respond to that because I am going to ignore all the advice from the vampires who know what its like.
-insert a bunch of random fighting scenes where the evil vampires come after Bella and the Cullens defend her and then rally up the werewolves to help them because Jacob still loves her enough to protect her even though he *would rather have her dead than be a vampire* -
Bella: Noooo, Jacob, you can't help protect me even though I let all the Cullen risk their lives for me multiple times!
Jacob: But maybe if I hurt myself you'll realize that YOU LOVE ME AND WANT TO BE IN MY PANTS TOO!
Bella: Nooooo! I can't be selfish because I have to stick to my Mary Sue characteristics!
*pause* -Isn't it a little ridiculous that basically ever supernatural being in her area is out to protect her and risk their lives just because of two lovestruck idiots?- *end pause*
Edward makes a room for Bella for when they prepare for the big newborn vampire attack since the Volturi want Bella to be a vampire and are creating a vampire army because apparently they can't just do it themselves even though they basically have super awesome special powers better than anyone.
Bella: Edward, can't we have sex before we get married?
Edward: No, because I came from a different era where that was totally unacceptable and if it was back then, I would have courted you and things would have been totally different and just no! Plus I wouldn't be able to control myself, and I could hurt you or even kill you! Never! I could only do that if we turned you!
Bella: Please?
Edward: *makeout kiss makeout kiss*
Something about shirts being removed
Edward: Sorry, but I will not have sex with you now just so I can do it later when you're still human to defeat the purpose of not doing it now. *randomly busts out a ring* MARRY MEEE!
Bella: Okay!
-tent scene where Edward stays with Bella while the rest of the Cullens and wolves prepare to battle with the evil newborns that actually aren't evil because they randomly got bitten by some asshole who got bitten by the Victoria bitch who isn't really a bitch because she is essentially just as dumb as Edward or Bella and will do anything to avenge her lover.
Jacob of course can't leave Edward and Bella alone and then Bella starts shivering because a snowstorm randomly decides to invade and so Jacob gets in bed with her to keep her warm and Edward and Jacob have a heart to heart about how really they would be friends or maybe gay lovers if Bella didn't have to get in the way-
BIIIIIG BAD ASSS FIGHT SCEEENNNE ending with one of the newborn vampires basically begging the Cullens for her life because she's basically 15 and didn't ask for any of this shit so they take her under their wing for all of 10 seconds until the Volturi come and torture her and kill her. Because apparently the Cullens are nice enough to risk their lives for Bella whose life was going just fine and wasn't in danger at all, but saving a poor girl who is helpless and basically got screwed over by everyone, well, that's just TOO kind.
Oh yeah, I missed the "important" fangirl relevant part. Jacob overhears that Bella and Edward are engaged and flips a lid and then Bella makes him kiss her and Jacob takes out some of his manly adrenaline rage on some newborn vampires because Bella still refuses to be with him instead. Edward sees all this and apparently doesn't care because he knows Bella loves him more. Even though no more than five minutes earlier he was like 'I can't stand you being in a sleeping bag with her to keep from freezing to death' (thats not a direct quote, but whatevs)
I think things start to wrap up after that.. or maybe the rest of the movie was so boring I don't even remember it. Uhm.. oh yeah, Jacob gets thoroughly injured and Bella freaks out and goes to see him and Jacob is like for the 50th time "I know you love me Bella" and Bella is like "no, bitch! I still pick pikachu!" and Jacob asks how Edward reacted to the kiss and when Bella tells him he didn't even care Jacob is like "woah, maybe he's not such an ass." And after that Jacob suddenly becomes fine with Edward and even says he might still love Bella after she turns into a vampire.
Wow, Jacob, you changed fast! That injury must have cracked open your skull or something.
Somewhere in there Bella graduates and there's this great speech about how "now is the time you make mistakes, not when you make decisions" which is of course relevant to Bella's incredible life-altering decision of: Jacob or Edward?!?!?! Because apparently which guy she picks basically decides her entire life and nothing else has any importance whatsoever.
So somehow, after all this bullshit, Bella and Edward end up a flowery meadow and cue cheesy scene where Bella says that she, despite everyone's fucking advice that being a vampire sucks balls, she still wants to be a blood sucking dead person, and how, contrary to basically everyone's beliefs it wasn't just about Edward. It was about love, and happiness, and apparently "not fitting in."
Newsflash, Bella, if you didn't fit in, it is unlikely that you would be having vamps, werewolves, and regular guys falling for you constantly. You certainly fit in with them just fine.
Plus, you'll have a lot more to complain about when you're a dead bloodsucker with a half vamp baby. So shut it already.
Uhm... so I have no idea where that huge summary thing came from.. probably the depths of my brain where things are dark, murky, and rotting... buuuut I like it anyhow so whatever!
I was meaning to talk about how my life is going, but I guess it is going pretty great since I am with my boyfriend and I don't have to work so really I've just been watching him play games, checking facebook, cleaning, going on walks, and.. sleeping? Such a productive life I lead. But it's okay. ^___^ I like it anyways.
But since it has been a week I figured I should write something. Tomorrow I will be at a Lady Gaga concert which is super exciting. As one of my friends pointed out, not seeing her would be like not having seen Madonna in her prime if I was an older person. I think this is basically true. Plus I like her more than Madonna. I love her style, and her ambition, and her super amazing talent. I love how she isn't afraid to be weird/freaky/disturbing/against the mainstream. Lady Gaga is probably the most famous people I will ever see live. She isn't my favorite singer (Ayumi Hamasaki is, and sadly I don't think I will see her in concert T___T) but she is pretty awesome so you know, I'm all good with it.
Really the only concert I've gone to is Utada Hikaru. But she is one of my favorite singers, too, so it counts as better than just one concert for me.
I was hoping this summer to get some writing done but I haven't written anything except for my creative writing class and the beginning of another nanowrimo. So I'm a little dissapointed with myself but at the same time, I like having a stress free month or two.
I saw Twilight Eclipse.
I don't understand why people think it was the best movie. I would have rather watched grass grow it was so boring.
Here is my summary of the Twilight Eclipse movie. It's rather long.
*makeout scene*
Edward: Bella, marry me.
Bella: Edward, turn me!
Edward: NOOOO NEEVER!! Your life will never be the same, you don't understand how painful and terrible it is and all the vampires wish they could take it back and it's worse than death!
Bella: Please?
Edward: Well fine, but first you have to marry me and then graduate high school.
Bella: Okay!
Bella's Dad: Now Bella, even though I always conveniently let you do what you want, to force a tense moment for the plot I am now going to make you talk to Jacob because you only ever spend time with Edward and I'm too stupid to realize that they are both perverted males who want you in their pants and I might trigger a murderous rampage where they kill each other fighting over you.
Bella: Ugh, fine dad! I guess even though he hates me and might kill me and Edward said it was a bad idea and his buddy can see into the future, I'll go talk to Jacob because it's the right thing to do.
At Jacobs...
Jacob: I want you in my pants right now Bella.
Bella: I'm going to be a vampire when I graduate.
Jacob: Fuck you, bitch, you might as well be dead!
Bella: I can't believe you just said that!
Jacob: Forgive me! I still want to be in your pants! I love you more than the dead guy! See, I'm warm and fuzzy! Pet me!
- insert a billion moments where both vampires and werewolves tell her that being a vampire sucks and that vampires have done evil terrible things to the werewolves and the humans that they turned and even the vampires don't like being vampires-
Bella: But, I'm not like everyone else! There is nothing I will ever want more than Edward! Nothing! Not even air! Or chocolate!
One of the vampire chicks whose name I can't remember: DUN DUN DUN except blood!!
Bella: I will conveniently not respond to that because I am going to ignore all the advice from the vampires who know what its like.
-insert a bunch of random fighting scenes where the evil vampires come after Bella and the Cullens defend her and then rally up the werewolves to help them because Jacob still loves her enough to protect her even though he *would rather have her dead than be a vampire* -
Bella: Noooo, Jacob, you can't help protect me even though I let all the Cullen risk their lives for me multiple times!
Jacob: But maybe if I hurt myself you'll realize that YOU LOVE ME AND WANT TO BE IN MY PANTS TOO!
Bella: Nooooo! I can't be selfish because I have to stick to my Mary Sue characteristics!
*pause* -Isn't it a little ridiculous that basically ever supernatural being in her area is out to protect her and risk their lives just because of two lovestruck idiots?- *end pause*
Edward makes a room for Bella for when they prepare for the big newborn vampire attack since the Volturi want Bella to be a vampire and are creating a vampire army because apparently they can't just do it themselves even though they basically have super awesome special powers better than anyone.
Bella: Edward, can't we have sex before we get married?
Edward: No, because I came from a different era where that was totally unacceptable and if it was back then, I would have courted you and things would have been totally different and just no! Plus I wouldn't be able to control myself, and I could hurt you or even kill you! Never! I could only do that if we turned you!
Bella: Please?
Edward: *makeout kiss makeout kiss*
Something about shirts being removed
Edward: Sorry, but I will not have sex with you now just so I can do it later when you're still human to defeat the purpose of not doing it now. *randomly busts out a ring* MARRY MEEE!
Bella: Okay!
-tent scene where Edward stays with Bella while the rest of the Cullens and wolves prepare to battle with the evil newborns that actually aren't evil because they randomly got bitten by some asshole who got bitten by the Victoria bitch who isn't really a bitch because she is essentially just as dumb as Edward or Bella and will do anything to avenge her lover.
Jacob of course can't leave Edward and Bella alone and then Bella starts shivering because a snowstorm randomly decides to invade and so Jacob gets in bed with her to keep her warm and Edward and Jacob have a heart to heart about how really they would be friends or maybe gay lovers if Bella didn't have to get in the way-
BIIIIIG BAD ASSS FIGHT SCEEENNNE ending with one of the newborn vampires basically begging the Cullens for her life because she's basically 15 and didn't ask for any of this shit so they take her under their wing for all of 10 seconds until the Volturi come and torture her and kill her. Because apparently the Cullens are nice enough to risk their lives for Bella whose life was going just fine and wasn't in danger at all, but saving a poor girl who is helpless and basically got screwed over by everyone, well, that's just TOO kind.
Oh yeah, I missed the "important" fangirl relevant part. Jacob overhears that Bella and Edward are engaged and flips a lid and then Bella makes him kiss her and Jacob takes out some of his manly adrenaline rage on some newborn vampires because Bella still refuses to be with him instead. Edward sees all this and apparently doesn't care because he knows Bella loves him more. Even though no more than five minutes earlier he was like 'I can't stand you being in a sleeping bag with her to keep from freezing to death' (thats not a direct quote, but whatevs)
I think things start to wrap up after that.. or maybe the rest of the movie was so boring I don't even remember it. Uhm.. oh yeah, Jacob gets thoroughly injured and Bella freaks out and goes to see him and Jacob is like for the 50th time "I know you love me Bella" and Bella is like "no, bitch! I still pick pikachu!" and Jacob asks how Edward reacted to the kiss and when Bella tells him he didn't even care Jacob is like "woah, maybe he's not such an ass." And after that Jacob suddenly becomes fine with Edward and even says he might still love Bella after she turns into a vampire.
Wow, Jacob, you changed fast! That injury must have cracked open your skull or something.
Somewhere in there Bella graduates and there's this great speech about how "now is the time you make mistakes, not when you make decisions" which is of course relevant to Bella's incredible life-altering decision of: Jacob or Edward?!?!?! Because apparently which guy she picks basically decides her entire life and nothing else has any importance whatsoever.
So somehow, after all this bullshit, Bella and Edward end up a flowery meadow and cue cheesy scene where Bella says that she, despite everyone's fucking advice that being a vampire sucks balls, she still wants to be a blood sucking dead person, and how, contrary to basically everyone's beliefs it wasn't just about Edward. It was about love, and happiness, and apparently "not fitting in."
Newsflash, Bella, if you didn't fit in, it is unlikely that you would be having vamps, werewolves, and regular guys falling for you constantly. You certainly fit in with them just fine.
Plus, you'll have a lot more to complain about when you're a dead bloodsucker with a half vamp baby. So shut it already.
Uhm... so I have no idea where that huge summary thing came from.. probably the depths of my brain where things are dark, murky, and rotting... buuuut I like it anyhow so whatever!
I was meaning to talk about how my life is going, but I guess it is going pretty great since I am with my boyfriend and I don't have to work so really I've just been watching him play games, checking facebook, cleaning, going on walks, and.. sleeping? Such a productive life I lead. But it's okay. ^___^ I like it anyways.
Tuesday, July 06, 2010
Of Chicago, Penguins, and Stunts
So today I was listening to "Why is the Rum Gone" remix for Pirates of the Caribbean on youtube. It's pretty epic. There's also one for Lord of the Rings, called "They're Taking the Hobbits to Isengard." These never get old.So my boyfriend is with me now. We had a splendid weekend in Chicago. Mostly splendid, at least. He called me when his bus was going to get off in ten minutes so me and my dad were like HOLY CRAP and ran and took the taxi to pick him up. He got off a minute or so before we got there, but it was all good.
It was so.. weird... to see him again, We hadn't seen each other in over 3 months and after a time like that it's almost like I was looking at a hologram. For several hours I just felt like I needed to be constantly pinched.
We went to see Cloud 9, a circus performance by a Chinese troupe at Navy Pier. It was their first and only visit to America, and so this was a pretty special event. Some of the stuff they did at the performance included...
One man pedaling a bike in a circle with ten people on top/hanging on to the bike
Three men riding motorcycles inside a spherical cage.. all driving inside the cage(yes, upside down and everything) and NOT running into each other (by the way the size of this sphere is about the radius of two bikes, NOT that big)
A woman balancing on one foot on the man's shoulder, and then on his head. (Not just balancing, but in ballet shoes, with her other leg out in the ballet pose.. I fail at remembering names for these things)
This guy juggled a knife, an apple, and a ladle, and at the end caught the knife pointing up so that the apple got stabbed and stayed on it.
At the beginning two girls were laying with their backs on chairs and their feet in the air, and then they each caught a coffee table with their feet and tossed them up a goof 8 feet in the air and then spun them around so fast you couldn't make out the table legs (all of this with only their feet)
So.. you get the picture. There was some crazy stuff. I enjoyed it, so did Stephen. We even bought an asian lantern for 5 bucks, and got some of the performers signatures on it. It was a good time.
The next day we went to an aquarium, which was also fun but not as cool as the circus. We saw this 4D version of planet earth, basically meaning it was 3d but also with like stuff in the seats so that they could... spray you with water, have little spikes come out of your seat, spout bubbles from the back of peoples seats, make fake snow, imitate wind, ... I don't think I'm missing anything but yeah, it was pretty ridiculous. But it was only 15 minutes long.
Quote from my boyfriend as he plays Half Life : "What could be better than attaching people to walls?"
I don't know.. attaching them to ceilings? Apparently he has done that before.
We saw some pretty freaky fish at the aquarium. There's the fish with noses that look like zombies. There's the sawfish shark that has a saw-looking mouth. There's.. bright fish, spiky fish, flat fish, giant crab fish, big creepy looking eels, giant eye fish, glowy eye fish, transparent fish. SO MANY FISH!
But my favorite part of the aquarium was the penguins. They were so freaking adorable. While we watched them they kept hopping up their little mini mountain thingy and then trying to decide if they could jump down from the top. My mom kept shouting "jump, jump, you can do it!" The penguin never jumped, but they kept hopping back to the mountain together. Then at the end all three of them hopped up in a row. It was sooo cute! I have pictures. Check out my deviantart.. I will put them up eventually, probably soon.
Then we saw the fireworks in Chicago. They were pretty boss, but only lasted about 15 minutes. They made hearts and smiley faces with the fireworks, so that was pretty cute. Then we watched Starsky and Hutch as well as Charlies Angels 2. It was pretty amusing. We also ate dark chocolate tart from this fancy ass marketplace that sold jams for 15 dollars and a pack of like 4 tea bags for the same price. But everything looked SO good.
Overall, Chicago was fun, but we were glad to be back in Cleveland after a 6 hour drive the next day that mostly consisted of sleeping. Now we're just been playing video games with Stephen trying to pin enemies to the ceiling with his fancy weapon that shoots heated metal rods. I think I will probably bust out my game, Fable, because I quite enjoy it. It's kind of your typical fantasy RPG where you can go on quests and explore towns and buy better weapons/items and build up your character to fit whoever you want them to be. Right now my character is kind of evil. It's fun stuff.
The way to Chicago was mildly crazy, especially once we got into the city because we got lost on this random road and my mom called the hotel asking for help and she must have repeated to the lady on the phone where we were like 20 times. OHIO STREET, YES, WE'RE ON OHIO STREET. IT'S A ONE WAY ROAD, AND AHEAD OF US THERES SOME KIND OF HIGHWAY THING WHERE YOU CAN ONLY TURN LEFT.
The lady kept being like "turn around"
"WE CAN'T!"
My mom was like screaming at her in frustration.
My conclusion from all this: black slang and russian accents do not go together
The irony? We live in Ohio and we got lost on Ohio Street.
Sunday, June 27, 2010
Of Twilight, Miyavi, and Dinocroc vs. Supergator
So I think I updated this last on Thursday or Friday, but now its Sunday and I should probably update again.
My weekend was pretty good, I hung out with my good friend Margo who came back from Russia and we talked about her trip and also how she went to see Miyavi in concert in Chicago which apparently was freaking amazing. He is a spectacular guitar player and master of visual kei style. He is pretty kickass. He cured her fever, even! Margo said he is god. I would say he is at least god-like.
We also watched terrible moves like Backwoods and Dinocroc vs. Supergator. The latter was especially awful, with actors who I could probably out-act and lots of people getting eaten and funny looking CGI and just.. bad-ness all around. But it was soooo funny. I especially loved the part where the bus driver was like sleeping and the giant crocodile appears around the corner all loudly with his stomping and the bus driver kinda wakes up for a second and then goes back to sleep.
Then when the croc starts coming closer he wakes up again, sees it in his rearview mirror, and starts the engine but at that precise moment the giant croc(which is far too heavy to do any kind of aerial action) jumps several meters up and across, and crushes the bus underneath its fat butt.
It was a priceless moment. Click here to see the trailer for this hilariously bad movie. It even has the bus crushing part in it!
So, on the topic of bad movies, I thought I would bring up Twilight. And when bringing up Twilight, I know it is wise to say early on.. I am not a Twilight fan. IF YOU ARE A TWILIGHT FAN, DO NOT READ!!!! ESPECIALLY DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE ONE OF THOSE MANIACS THAT GOES AND KILLS PEOPLE WHO THINK TWILIGHT IS ONLY "OKAY." SEE A LICENSED PSYCHOLOGIST. NOW!!
Also, if your name is Maggie, I wouldn't recommend reading this either. You'll probably get mad at me.. and I'll be sad..
I wouldn't care about Twilight at all if it wasn't so popular and I could go a day without seeing references to it. However, since it is at best a mediocre book/movie I feel like having it become this popular is just heresy.
My favorite part from the Twilight movies was when Bella hits her head against the rock and Jacob decides that for some unknown to god reason he needs to wipe Bella's bloody head with his shirt, and that for this he MUST take it off in a very rushed manner. Everyone thinks its because he wants to help Bella, right, but my theory is he was just soooo hot with it on he couldn't bear it! Insert teen porn placement here. *imitates gaga eyes of 13 year old girl* -unbearably unmistakable fan girl high pitched screech- OMG he's soooooo hawt without his shirt on.
My second favorite part from the Twilight movies was at the beginning of the second movie when Bella is at school by her car waiting for Edward and when he shows up they show him walk over to her in all his slow motion glory, getting closer and closer with every second. It takes up an entire minute of the movie so fangirls can just gaze in awe of his anorexic looking sallow/sullen features. And then when Jacob shows up they like show him for two seconds. I was surprised no one in the audience yelled "why isn't he in slow motion?!?"
So anyways, now that all Twilight fans can hate me and go burn down my house (I live at 666 Lake Forest, Illinois, btw) I think my mission is done. Oh wait, not quite. I wanted to comment on this article I found on the topic as well.
So, there's this article on Twilight that's talking all about why Twilight is bad for humans. Particularly, young female humans. Its fine in a "oh you know, this is nice" kind of way but not fine in a "OMG I AM GOING TO ADOPT ALL THE FEATURES OF THIS MAIN CHARACTER AND MAKE HER MY NEW ROLE MODEL AND LOVE LOVE LOVE EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS EVAR." Someone could argue that such is never fine, but you know what I mean.
Read the article here.
So I know this article talks a lot about feminism. Let me clear something up. I don't think women can do everything that men can do. Women are physically different in some ways, which makes it hard and sometimes dangerous to do the same things men do. If they really want to, fine, its not like it will necessarily be bad for them and I do think anyone should get to do whatever the hell they want within you know, limits of law.
I think its a little freaky when women do weight lifting like crazy and stuff like that, but I don't think theres anything wrong with a strong woman. I don't think theres anything wrong with lesbians, or transgender. Do whatever you want. It's you. I don't think anyone should come up to someone and be like "hey, you can't do this because you're ____" Unless its life threatening, I suppose. There are exceptions, but overall, its the freaking persons decision.
To sum that up, I think there are two extremes when it comes to female gender roles. Theres the hard core "feminists" who basically hate men and think we should lock them up and use their sperm and nothing else.. or the ones who think we should be exactly the same as men.. and then there's the people who think women should get married to a man, raise babies, care for their babies, cook and clean, do whatever their man wants them to, be submissive always, and never stand up for themselves.
I'm going to quote Lady Gaga. That is, if I can find it... which it doesn't look like I can. Whatever. She basically said something like 'a woman can be ugly, beautiful, strong or weak, cruel or kind' whatever. There shouldn't be a label for it.
So anyways, lets tie this back into Twilight and particularly, Bella. Bella embodies an incredibly traditional female role. See the article for why. She's not a powerful figure, the guys around her basically make all the decisions, not to mention she's kind of a zombie, and she can't live without her Edward (considering she almost kills herself and has a hysterical breakdown for three months).
Basically, she is nothing without the dominant male figures. By making her main character so incredibly... THAT... Stephanie Meyer is basically saying "oh, yeah, if you act like that a really sexy dominant guy will come along and you will become a zombie for him and basically your entire life will revolve around him and you will be soo incredibly happy," etc. etc. I know that humans aren't that stupid that they will consciously be thinking that unless they're a really hopeless case, but the novels just scream that kind of attitude.
So even if 13 year old girls aren't thinking "omg, I want a really dominant guy who will do naughty violent things to me and say I am his only and I can belong to him and be really really submissive always" probably it will enter their minds subconsciously.
Another note. Twilight promotes ridiculous, suicidal, over the top teenage girl breakup angst. I HATE THAT. Guys will probably break up with you. Life will suck for a while, maybe, but don't actually convince yourself that you will not live past that day and not do anything but sit and stare out the window for 3 months like an emo child.
Phew. So I think I'm done ranting about Twilight for now. And the best part is, all those twilight fans who hate me (though I doubt you are reading this, whatever), I may publish a book in the future that you might end up reading and being like OMG THIS IS SOOO GOOD! and I'll laugh. Bwuahahha. Maggie, don't hate me.
I know here I only talked about why I don't like Twilight in a "how it effects humans" sort of way.. but I also don't think the writing is good.. which I might get into in another blog entry if you know, I have time. Or actually.. maybe I'll just link to some other places which embody my opinion:
http://fricknits.typepad.com/fricknits/2008/06/10-things-i-hate-about-twilight.html
http://www.gaiaonline.com/forum/friends-chat/anyone-else-can-t-stand-twilight/t.24736495/
http://bookstove.com/fantasy/why-i-hate-twilight/
My weekend was pretty good, I hung out with my good friend Margo who came back from Russia and we talked about her trip and also how she went to see Miyavi in concert in Chicago which apparently was freaking amazing. He is a spectacular guitar player and master of visual kei style. He is pretty kickass. He cured her fever, even! Margo said he is god. I would say he is at least god-like.
We also watched terrible moves like Backwoods and Dinocroc vs. Supergator. The latter was especially awful, with actors who I could probably out-act and lots of people getting eaten and funny looking CGI and just.. bad-ness all around. But it was soooo funny. I especially loved the part where the bus driver was like sleeping and the giant crocodile appears around the corner all loudly with his stomping and the bus driver kinda wakes up for a second and then goes back to sleep.
Then when the croc starts coming closer he wakes up again, sees it in his rearview mirror, and starts the engine but at that precise moment the giant croc(which is far too heavy to do any kind of aerial action) jumps several meters up and across, and crushes the bus underneath its fat butt.
It was a priceless moment. Click here to see the trailer for this hilariously bad movie. It even has the bus crushing part in it!
So, on the topic of bad movies, I thought I would bring up Twilight. And when bringing up Twilight, I know it is wise to say early on.. I am not a Twilight fan. IF YOU ARE A TWILIGHT FAN, DO NOT READ!!!! ESPECIALLY DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE ONE OF THOSE MANIACS THAT GOES AND KILLS PEOPLE WHO THINK TWILIGHT IS ONLY "OKAY." SEE A LICENSED PSYCHOLOGIST. NOW!!
Also, if your name is Maggie, I wouldn't recommend reading this either. You'll probably get mad at me.. and I'll be sad..
I wouldn't care about Twilight at all if it wasn't so popular and I could go a day without seeing references to it. However, since it is at best a mediocre book/movie I feel like having it become this popular is just heresy.
My favorite part from the Twilight movies was when Bella hits her head against the rock and Jacob decides that for some unknown to god reason he needs to wipe Bella's bloody head with his shirt, and that for this he MUST take it off in a very rushed manner. Everyone thinks its because he wants to help Bella, right, but my theory is he was just soooo hot with it on he couldn't bear it! Insert teen porn placement here. *imitates gaga eyes of 13 year old girl* -unbearably unmistakable fan girl high pitched screech- OMG he's soooooo hawt without his shirt on.
My second favorite part from the Twilight movies was at the beginning of the second movie when Bella is at school by her car waiting for Edward and when he shows up they show him walk over to her in all his slow motion glory, getting closer and closer with every second. It takes up an entire minute of the movie so fangirls can just gaze in awe of his anorexic looking sallow/sullen features. And then when Jacob shows up they like show him for two seconds. I was surprised no one in the audience yelled "why isn't he in slow motion?!?"
So anyways, now that all Twilight fans can hate me and go burn down my house (I live at 666 Lake Forest, Illinois, btw) I think my mission is done. Oh wait, not quite. I wanted to comment on this article I found on the topic as well.
So, there's this article on Twilight that's talking all about why Twilight is bad for humans. Particularly, young female humans. Its fine in a "oh you know, this is nice" kind of way but not fine in a "OMG I AM GOING TO ADOPT ALL THE FEATURES OF THIS MAIN CHARACTER AND MAKE HER MY NEW ROLE MODEL AND LOVE LOVE LOVE EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS EVAR." Someone could argue that such is never fine, but you know what I mean.
Read the article here.
So I know this article talks a lot about feminism. Let me clear something up. I don't think women can do everything that men can do. Women are physically different in some ways, which makes it hard and sometimes dangerous to do the same things men do. If they really want to, fine, its not like it will necessarily be bad for them and I do think anyone should get to do whatever the hell they want within you know, limits of law.
I think its a little freaky when women do weight lifting like crazy and stuff like that, but I don't think theres anything wrong with a strong woman. I don't think theres anything wrong with lesbians, or transgender. Do whatever you want. It's you. I don't think anyone should come up to someone and be like "hey, you can't do this because you're ____" Unless its life threatening, I suppose. There are exceptions, but overall, its the freaking persons decision.
To sum that up, I think there are two extremes when it comes to female gender roles. Theres the hard core "feminists" who basically hate men and think we should lock them up and use their sperm and nothing else.. or the ones who think we should be exactly the same as men.. and then there's the people who think women should get married to a man, raise babies, care for their babies, cook and clean, do whatever their man wants them to, be submissive always, and never stand up for themselves.
I'm going to quote Lady Gaga. That is, if I can find it... which it doesn't look like I can. Whatever. She basically said something like 'a woman can be ugly, beautiful, strong or weak, cruel or kind' whatever. There shouldn't be a label for it.
So anyways, lets tie this back into Twilight and particularly, Bella. Bella embodies an incredibly traditional female role. See the article for why. She's not a powerful figure, the guys around her basically make all the decisions, not to mention she's kind of a zombie, and she can't live without her Edward (considering she almost kills herself and has a hysterical breakdown for three months).
Basically, she is nothing without the dominant male figures. By making her main character so incredibly... THAT... Stephanie Meyer is basically saying "oh, yeah, if you act like that a really sexy dominant guy will come along and you will become a zombie for him and basically your entire life will revolve around him and you will be soo incredibly happy," etc. etc. I know that humans aren't that stupid that they will consciously be thinking that unless they're a really hopeless case, but the novels just scream that kind of attitude.
So even if 13 year old girls aren't thinking "omg, I want a really dominant guy who will do naughty violent things to me and say I am his only and I can belong to him and be really really submissive always" probably it will enter their minds subconsciously.
Another note. Twilight promotes ridiculous, suicidal, over the top teenage girl breakup angst. I HATE THAT. Guys will probably break up with you. Life will suck for a while, maybe, but don't actually convince yourself that you will not live past that day and not do anything but sit and stare out the window for 3 months like an emo child.
Phew. So I think I'm done ranting about Twilight for now. And the best part is, all those twilight fans who hate me (though I doubt you are reading this, whatever), I may publish a book in the future that you might end up reading and being like OMG THIS IS SOOO GOOD! and I'll laugh. Bwuahahha. Maggie, don't hate me.
I know here I only talked about why I don't like Twilight in a "how it effects humans" sort of way.. but I also don't think the writing is good.. which I might get into in another blog entry if you know, I have time. Or actually.. maybe I'll just link to some other places which embody my opinion:
http://fricknits.typepad.com/fricknits/2008/06/10-things-i-hate-about-twilight.html
http://www.gaiaonline.com/forum/friends-chat/anyone-else-can-t-stand-twilight/t.24736495/
http://bookstove.com/fantasy/why-i-hate-twilight/
Thursday, June 24, 2010
If Romantic Stuff Makes You Want to Barf, Don't Read This.
So today I am rather tired but I wanted to talk about the history of my relationship with my boyfriend since it is his birthday today! Happy Birthday Stephen!
We've been dating for about two and a half years, and started dating in high school. It was a rather unpleasant time for my because my dad left to live in Cleveland for a year because my mom lost her job and he didn't get a raise so had to find a better paying job so that I could finish high school and we could keep the house longer.
Before all this started, though, I was rather depressed after a very sad trip to Russia and having not that many friends in the first two years of high school because I was sick of moving and sick of making new friends and I just felt like the world was fundamentally unfair and was a real cynic, had no faith in my friends and didn't think anybody gave a shit about me even if they said they did. The first two years the main person who got me through it before my boyfriend came along was this guy who I knew when I lived in Washington State. His name was Jake.
He talked to me a lot and made me laugh and we had lots of good times. Chatting. We never saw each other or anything, it was all completely online since by then I lived in Minnesota. I guess at the time I kind of liked him, even though I was very blunt and dark and acted like I hated everything. One of my other friends caught on that I liked him and basically told him about it because she hates it when people don't tell each other stuff and basically he told her he liked me too, but that she wasn't allowed to tell me.
So of course, she told me, and then shortly after Jake disappeared. I was crushed, because he was kind of my lifeline. I could talk to him about stuff that was bothering me and complain endlessly and he just knew what to say to cheer me up.
A little before that I had gotten together again with my friends from 8th grade, who kind of left me for a year when I switched to a different high school than the one they were in (not because I wanted to). I was happy that I was getting to hang out with them again, and through that group I sort of re-met Stephen (I had known him before, but we never talked).
At the time Stephen was rather unhappy because of a certain unrequited high school crush, and so I tried to comfort him because I like to help people. At the time though I was not very happy myself so I made a rather terrible comforter. I was also rather bipolar, and might have gone from being somewhat comforting, to downright harsh, or well, I don't even know honestly, in the span of a minute.
Somehow through all of my depressive psychoticness Stephen saw my 'charm.' At first I didn't realize that he liked me, but it started to become more and more obvious over time, and one day he was really upset because I didn't sit next to him on a long bus trip. He's had a lot of bad bus trips where no one sat by him and it made him feel lonely.
I still feel kind of bad about that. He was quite upset. I felt pretty bad about it at the time, but I still couldn't figure out if it was pity or something else. I went back and forth a lot, because I never pictured myself in a relationship before and always thought I would just be the nice girl who helped people out or got picked on. I never thought I would be the center of someones attention.
I couldn't really bring myself to believe that he liked me that much. I felt like it was all my fault, and it would probably be better if I left him alone. I felt like he had too much of a soft heart, whereas mine is pretty bruised and battered in comparison.
I went back and forth with him about us being in a relationship for a long time. I told him I hated the terms 'boyfriend' and 'girlfriend' and I hated all the hype surrounded by it. I just wanted to be his friend. That turned into being his 'close friend' as we spent more and more time together. Eventually, though, there was a bit of an ultimatum.
I think it might have been that day when he was already upset with me, and I said something about how maybe we shouldn't date, because it just seemed bad for us both. I know what I said at the time was far more convoluted than that but I think that's what I was going for. Not ruling it out, just feeling that it was maybe a bad idea. I felt like I had to watch everything I said because I was just that blunt. He took my saying that "maybe it was a bad idea" as "it's never going to happen" and got really upset and angry and didn't want to talk to me.
I felt awful after that. I couldn't sleep all night, my whole body was shaking, I felt a little nauseous. I think I realized then that I couldn't stand being like that. Being distant from everyone, and feeling like nobody cared 'that much'. I needed someone closer. Closer than Jake. I needed affection. Hugs. Cuddles. Kisses. Things that I didn't get.
The next day he called me, saying he was sorry. I felt bad, but I was upset also. I told him I didn't mean that there was no chance we would date. I just felt like things weren't working because I always upset him, but I didn't want to rule it out, and that he hurt my feelings a lot. I don't think he realized that meant that I cared. I said I was sorry too.
After that conversation, a huge weight lifted from my shoulders. Things got better.
Eventually, after people kept asking us if we were dating, I finally decided I wasn't scared of the word anymore and we made it "facebook official." Woo. Facebook.
We slowly started to get more comfortable with each other, we talked a lot about everything, he started visiting more and put up with my moms demands like making him pot plants and clean things and carry things and move things. He was there when I had arguments with my parents. He was almost always there when things went wrong, to comfort me. I finally had a real shoulder to cry on. Literally.
He would host parties for both of our groups of friends at his house. They were always a blast. I had so much fun.
Eventually I felt like I could tell him anything.
Stephen was the first real person who I could hold in my arms for more than a few seconds. I felt warm inside, and calm, a feeling I really hadn't felt in years.
I started making more friends in school, people got less scared of me, I started feeling less insecure and more confident. If he hadn't been there my last two years of high school might have been completely different.
When I had to move here, we both were forced to consider breaking it off, but decided against it because we both knew that we cared about each other too much to let distance get in the way. At least, not without a fight. At times the school year was rough, and then we would get a little rough on each other, but it worked out okay. We wanted things to come naturally, see where the flow took us. Right now the flow is keeping us together. And against some peoples predictions.
So let me end this with a super cheesy note that my boyfriend would highly approve of. Go where your heart takes you. Don't plan everything ahead. Take things one step at a time. Sometimes you just have to feel whats right in the moment, and thats the best judge of everything.
I'm going to see him again in a week. Words cannot express how much I look forward to it ^__^.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Oh yeah, and then there's this random image I made to go with yesterdays entry.
A quick comic thingy I made about Horse and Buggy Parking. Click on image for full view!
We've been dating for about two and a half years, and started dating in high school. It was a rather unpleasant time for my because my dad left to live in Cleveland for a year because my mom lost her job and he didn't get a raise so had to find a better paying job so that I could finish high school and we could keep the house longer.
Before all this started, though, I was rather depressed after a very sad trip to Russia and having not that many friends in the first two years of high school because I was sick of moving and sick of making new friends and I just felt like the world was fundamentally unfair and was a real cynic, had no faith in my friends and didn't think anybody gave a shit about me even if they said they did. The first two years the main person who got me through it before my boyfriend came along was this guy who I knew when I lived in Washington State. His name was Jake.
He talked to me a lot and made me laugh and we had lots of good times. Chatting. We never saw each other or anything, it was all completely online since by then I lived in Minnesota. I guess at the time I kind of liked him, even though I was very blunt and dark and acted like I hated everything. One of my other friends caught on that I liked him and basically told him about it because she hates it when people don't tell each other stuff and basically he told her he liked me too, but that she wasn't allowed to tell me.
So of course, she told me, and then shortly after Jake disappeared. I was crushed, because he was kind of my lifeline. I could talk to him about stuff that was bothering me and complain endlessly and he just knew what to say to cheer me up.
A little before that I had gotten together again with my friends from 8th grade, who kind of left me for a year when I switched to a different high school than the one they were in (not because I wanted to). I was happy that I was getting to hang out with them again, and through that group I sort of re-met Stephen (I had known him before, but we never talked).
At the time Stephen was rather unhappy because of a certain unrequited high school crush, and so I tried to comfort him because I like to help people. At the time though I was not very happy myself so I made a rather terrible comforter. I was also rather bipolar, and might have gone from being somewhat comforting, to downright harsh, or well, I don't even know honestly, in the span of a minute.
Somehow through all of my depressive psychoticness Stephen saw my 'charm.' At first I didn't realize that he liked me, but it started to become more and more obvious over time, and one day he was really upset because I didn't sit next to him on a long bus trip. He's had a lot of bad bus trips where no one sat by him and it made him feel lonely.
I still feel kind of bad about that. He was quite upset. I felt pretty bad about it at the time, but I still couldn't figure out if it was pity or something else. I went back and forth a lot, because I never pictured myself in a relationship before and always thought I would just be the nice girl who helped people out or got picked on. I never thought I would be the center of someones attention.
I couldn't really bring myself to believe that he liked me that much. I felt like it was all my fault, and it would probably be better if I left him alone. I felt like he had too much of a soft heart, whereas mine is pretty bruised and battered in comparison.
I went back and forth with him about us being in a relationship for a long time. I told him I hated the terms 'boyfriend' and 'girlfriend' and I hated all the hype surrounded by it. I just wanted to be his friend. That turned into being his 'close friend' as we spent more and more time together. Eventually, though, there was a bit of an ultimatum.
I think it might have been that day when he was already upset with me, and I said something about how maybe we shouldn't date, because it just seemed bad for us both. I know what I said at the time was far more convoluted than that but I think that's what I was going for. Not ruling it out, just feeling that it was maybe a bad idea. I felt like I had to watch everything I said because I was just that blunt. He took my saying that "maybe it was a bad idea" as "it's never going to happen" and got really upset and angry and didn't want to talk to me.
I felt awful after that. I couldn't sleep all night, my whole body was shaking, I felt a little nauseous. I think I realized then that I couldn't stand being like that. Being distant from everyone, and feeling like nobody cared 'that much'. I needed someone closer. Closer than Jake. I needed affection. Hugs. Cuddles. Kisses. Things that I didn't get.
The next day he called me, saying he was sorry. I felt bad, but I was upset also. I told him I didn't mean that there was no chance we would date. I just felt like things weren't working because I always upset him, but I didn't want to rule it out, and that he hurt my feelings a lot. I don't think he realized that meant that I cared. I said I was sorry too.
After that conversation, a huge weight lifted from my shoulders. Things got better.
Eventually, after people kept asking us if we were dating, I finally decided I wasn't scared of the word anymore and we made it "facebook official." Woo. Facebook.
We slowly started to get more comfortable with each other, we talked a lot about everything, he started visiting more and put up with my moms demands like making him pot plants and clean things and carry things and move things. He was there when I had arguments with my parents. He was almost always there when things went wrong, to comfort me. I finally had a real shoulder to cry on. Literally.
He would host parties for both of our groups of friends at his house. They were always a blast. I had so much fun.
Eventually I felt like I could tell him anything.
Stephen was the first real person who I could hold in my arms for more than a few seconds. I felt warm inside, and calm, a feeling I really hadn't felt in years.
I started making more friends in school, people got less scared of me, I started feeling less insecure and more confident. If he hadn't been there my last two years of high school might have been completely different.
When I had to move here, we both were forced to consider breaking it off, but decided against it because we both knew that we cared about each other too much to let distance get in the way. At least, not without a fight. At times the school year was rough, and then we would get a little rough on each other, but it worked out okay. We wanted things to come naturally, see where the flow took us. Right now the flow is keeping us together. And against some peoples predictions.
So let me end this with a super cheesy note that my boyfriend would highly approve of. Go where your heart takes you. Don't plan everything ahead. Take things one step at a time. Sometimes you just have to feel whats right in the moment, and thats the best judge of everything.
I'm going to see him again in a week. Words cannot express how much I look forward to it ^__^.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Oh yeah, and then there's this random image I made to go with yesterdays entry.
A quick comic thingy I made about Horse and Buggy Parking. Click on image for full view!
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
Of Muscular Black Male Strippers, a Time When Glasses Kits Were Sold in Every Checkout Aisle, and Saving Pitiful Kittens
So today was a strange (and WAY eventful) day. It started off with a strange dream that my friend, Taryn---HOLD EVERYTHING-- I remembered more of the dream! Rewind!
So I was at this computer science meeting where we were reviewing our final animations and all of a sudden I got like.. lost there... or something.. or maybe I couldn't figure out where the meeting was. So I started running around the whole place and running up these stairs and when I got to the top it was a dead end. When I started running back down all these guys who were in the room decided to randomly start stripping. I tried to look away and run past them, but there were some really big stripper black guys at the bottom of the steps that tried to block my way. Somehow I ran away from them...
Okay.. so I think it was later in the dream, I ran into Taryn out of nowhere and we were just like chilling.. and suddenly there was this kitten.. and Taryn basically bit its hind leg off and I was like WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? And she was like what? It's good for the cat. I was like uhh NO ITS NOT.
She was like "See the cat isn't complaining." And so I looked at the cat and the cat did actually look fine. It was like all cats hind legs had infections and it was better to bite them off. I dunno. But basically I tried arguing with her and then she showed me this like educational game where two cats competed to bite the cats in the middle who held up its hind leg.
So if you're willing to keep reading about my day, please continue. If you've had enough of the insanity, that's fine too.
I woke up to find that it was 9:30 and my alarm silences itself after 5 minutes of ringing.. which I don't think it actually rang to begin with but whatever. Then I went to work. At work I listened to Aries bitch about this other friend of hers who is dating an asshole but doesn't realize it and is miserable all the time and makes all her friends miserable.
Aries who was dealing with this was basically pounding on her desk and saying "YOU DUMB BITCH. OF COURSE YOU MAKE YOUR FRIENDS MISERABLE!" I was quite amused and started telling her about some of my experiences with girls who don't understand the concept of dating someone who is in any way good for them.
Then I checked my computer to find that my boss had returned an edited version of my article. At first I was stupid and opened it in Google Docs, only to find out after some confusion and anger that it looked completely different when you downloaded it and opened it in Word. Granted, this article "is very challenging for a beginning journalist", and granted, "we will all help edit it together," but it's always a little weird to see your article look completely different after trying to get it to flow right and sound right.
So I was kind of frustrated, but whatever. Me and Stephen talked about Vampire Knight. He likes the second season more. Blasphemy. It is all fantastic, sexy shit.
Then interrupting all of this was a giant ass storm which Jeff had the bright idea of driving through thanks to leaving about 10 minutes before it started. I hope he made it home safely. There were sheets of water just just pounding against the concrete.
So what happened next.. oh yeah, I took photos of the storm, and then I got kind of sick to my stomach. OH YEAH! I totally forgot, one of the employees collapsed half an hour before the storm started and we had to call 911.
Okay.. so after the storm, I went back to work, which was kinda boring there for a while. I was trying to return the flow to the article. I mean I know that my superiors are wiser than me about how the article should look but the problem is I don't think the way they do.
Eventually I got sick of it and then one of the employees said the storm might start up again and offered me a ride so I went ahead and took it since I didn't want to be stormed on. Then when I got 'home' my roommates said they wanted to have dinner with a friend of theirs somewhere around town so I agreed to go with them. Basically we went to one restaurant, which was packed, and then we decided to go to Qdoba (basically Chipotle) instead.
I got this giant ass quesadilla of deliciousness. Yeah.
During this time I got to know some basic facts about my roommates friend: that she's a french major, that shes going to be a junior, that she's pretty hilarious, and that I overall liked her. She clearly liked me too, since after going to Wal-Mart and probably having more fun than should be had in Wal-Mart, she declared "Nadya is awesome. I like Nadya." I almost blushed. D'aaaaw. People like me. Contrary to popular belief, I like it when people like me.
My roommates are pretty awesome, too. One is a history major who has lived in Russia house for a year already and is pretty down to earth and normal for an Oberlin student. She also amuses me with her occasionally hermit like tendencies and saying blunt stuff about disliking humans and complaining about how dumb they are. She's pretty awesome.
My other roommate is a biochem major and is in my year but only 17 years old!!!!!!!1111
Holy shit, right? Makes me feel like an old woman.
The reason we went to Wal-Mart was because her glasses were broken and her contacts were making her allergies seem particularly shitty. And of course the vision section of Wal-Mart had to close 10 minutes before we got there. So we ducked under the dumb fence thingy and searched for the stupid glasses fixy kit thing and found 1 out of like 6 racks of fucking lens cleaner. I never thought I would say this, but "BACK IN MY DAY, THEY SOLD GLASSES FIXING KITS IN EVERY FUCKING CHECKOUT AISLE!"
So after all this was done (btw, at the ghetto Oberlin Wal Mart they have parking designated for HORSE AND BUGGY!) we went back to the apartment and toiled for like half an hour trying to get the stupid tiny screw into the tiny little hole (get your dirty minds out of the gutter) and screwing it in with the tiny little plastic screwdriver that stabbed my hand every time it got loose.
We had to redo it three times because first the lens wouldn't pop in, and so we loosened the screw, and then the lens popped in unevenly but we didn't notice until it was screwed all the way in again! By the end my hand was shaking so bad and my stomach was twisting in frustration and anger at the stupid screwdriver and the stupid fucking tiny screw.
Okay, so then I thought my day was surely over. Plenty of eventful shit. PLENTY. I was going to cozy up next to my computer on skype with my bf and hope that we could have a pleasant conversation instead of arguing about web design. My other roommate was still not back.
Suddenly, I hear my roommate with the broken glasses say something about a stray cat and bringing tuna. Yes, you guessed it. My other roommate came across a random stray kitten who was hiding under a car (4 weeks old) so of course we had to come help rescue it. We brought milk and tuna. When we get there we can hear the kitten meowing at the top of its lungs, and could have been there for at least 24 hours.
It sounded like a squirrel. I didn't know cats could do that.
There were other ladies there who were semi cat experts, and one of them knew the phone number of the lady in town who fosters kittens and adopts them out in the town art gallery and art store, gingko gallery. But before she showed up we opened the tuna (I was beneath the tuna opener at the time, and got tuna sprayed all over me, followed by lots of apologies. I still smell like tuna) and the kitten ALMOST came out, but then at the last second ran off.
We tried to corner it by surrounding the car but it ended up climbing into the fucking tire. Inside the suspension. Goddammit, kitten. We're trying to save you. Get with the picture.
The present cat lady expert tried to get the cat out, but was worried that it was too narrow. Then the almighty cat savior from gingko gallery (forgot her name, sorry) came in to the rescue, and with her magical hands somehow managed to reach around the back of the tire and raise the kitten out. We tried to give it some tuna but it wouldn't eat it because it had a sinus infection that kept it from being able to smell food. All that tuna wasted. Except when it was spilled on me, of course. But it was all okay because the nice almighty cat/kitten savior said "you helped saved a youth's life today" and drove off in her catmobile.
I returned to the apartment feeling more noble than I probably should have. That's right, bastards. I helped save a kitten, made a new friend, screwed a tiny screw into a tiny hole so that my roommate could not have burning eyes, worked on an article that both my bosses would be intimidated by, and ate a quesadilla.
So I was at this computer science meeting where we were reviewing our final animations and all of a sudden I got like.. lost there... or something.. or maybe I couldn't figure out where the meeting was. So I started running around the whole place and running up these stairs and when I got to the top it was a dead end. When I started running back down all these guys who were in the room decided to randomly start stripping. I tried to look away and run past them, but there were some really big stripper black guys at the bottom of the steps that tried to block my way. Somehow I ran away from them...
Okay.. so I think it was later in the dream, I ran into Taryn out of nowhere and we were just like chilling.. and suddenly there was this kitten.. and Taryn basically bit its hind leg off and I was like WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? And she was like what? It's good for the cat. I was like uhh NO ITS NOT.
She was like "See the cat isn't complaining." And so I looked at the cat and the cat did actually look fine. It was like all cats hind legs had infections and it was better to bite them off. I dunno. But basically I tried arguing with her and then she showed me this like educational game where two cats competed to bite the cats in the middle who held up its hind leg.
So if you're willing to keep reading about my day, please continue. If you've had enough of the insanity, that's fine too.
I woke up to find that it was 9:30 and my alarm silences itself after 5 minutes of ringing.. which I don't think it actually rang to begin with but whatever. Then I went to work. At work I listened to Aries bitch about this other friend of hers who is dating an asshole but doesn't realize it and is miserable all the time and makes all her friends miserable.
Aries who was dealing with this was basically pounding on her desk and saying "YOU DUMB BITCH. OF COURSE YOU MAKE YOUR FRIENDS MISERABLE!" I was quite amused and started telling her about some of my experiences with girls who don't understand the concept of dating someone who is in any way good for them.
Then I checked my computer to find that my boss had returned an edited version of my article. At first I was stupid and opened it in Google Docs, only to find out after some confusion and anger that it looked completely different when you downloaded it and opened it in Word. Granted, this article "is very challenging for a beginning journalist", and granted, "we will all help edit it together," but it's always a little weird to see your article look completely different after trying to get it to flow right and sound right.
So I was kind of frustrated, but whatever. Me and Stephen talked about Vampire Knight. He likes the second season more. Blasphemy. It is all fantastic, sexy shit.
Then interrupting all of this was a giant ass storm which Jeff had the bright idea of driving through thanks to leaving about 10 minutes before it started. I hope he made it home safely. There were sheets of water just just pounding against the concrete.
So what happened next.. oh yeah, I took photos of the storm, and then I got kind of sick to my stomach. OH YEAH! I totally forgot, one of the employees collapsed half an hour before the storm started and we had to call 911.
Okay.. so after the storm, I went back to work, which was kinda boring there for a while. I was trying to return the flow to the article. I mean I know that my superiors are wiser than me about how the article should look but the problem is I don't think the way they do.
Eventually I got sick of it and then one of the employees said the storm might start up again and offered me a ride so I went ahead and took it since I didn't want to be stormed on. Then when I got 'home' my roommates said they wanted to have dinner with a friend of theirs somewhere around town so I agreed to go with them. Basically we went to one restaurant, which was packed, and then we decided to go to Qdoba (basically Chipotle) instead.
I got this giant ass quesadilla of deliciousness. Yeah.
During this time I got to know some basic facts about my roommates friend: that she's a french major, that shes going to be a junior, that she's pretty hilarious, and that I overall liked her. She clearly liked me too, since after going to Wal-Mart and probably having more fun than should be had in Wal-Mart, she declared "Nadya is awesome. I like Nadya." I almost blushed. D'aaaaw. People like me. Contrary to popular belief, I like it when people like me.
My roommates are pretty awesome, too. One is a history major who has lived in Russia house for a year already and is pretty down to earth and normal for an Oberlin student. She also amuses me with her occasionally hermit like tendencies and saying blunt stuff about disliking humans and complaining about how dumb they are. She's pretty awesome.
My other roommate is a biochem major and is in my year but only 17 years old!!!!!!!1111
Holy shit, right? Makes me feel like an old woman.
The reason we went to Wal-Mart was because her glasses were broken and her contacts were making her allergies seem particularly shitty. And of course the vision section of Wal-Mart had to close 10 minutes before we got there. So we ducked under the dumb fence thingy and searched for the stupid glasses fixy kit thing and found 1 out of like 6 racks of fucking lens cleaner. I never thought I would say this, but "BACK IN MY DAY, THEY SOLD GLASSES FIXING KITS IN EVERY FUCKING CHECKOUT AISLE!"
So after all this was done (btw, at the ghetto Oberlin Wal Mart they have parking designated for HORSE AND BUGGY!) we went back to the apartment and toiled for like half an hour trying to get the stupid tiny screw into the tiny little hole (get your dirty minds out of the gutter) and screwing it in with the tiny little plastic screwdriver that stabbed my hand every time it got loose.
We had to redo it three times because first the lens wouldn't pop in, and so we loosened the screw, and then the lens popped in unevenly but we didn't notice until it was screwed all the way in again! By the end my hand was shaking so bad and my stomach was twisting in frustration and anger at the stupid screwdriver and the stupid fucking tiny screw.
Okay, so then I thought my day was surely over. Plenty of eventful shit. PLENTY. I was going to cozy up next to my computer on skype with my bf and hope that we could have a pleasant conversation instead of arguing about web design. My other roommate was still not back.
Suddenly, I hear my roommate with the broken glasses say something about a stray cat and bringing tuna. Yes, you guessed it. My other roommate came across a random stray kitten who was hiding under a car (4 weeks old) so of course we had to come help rescue it. We brought milk and tuna. When we get there we can hear the kitten meowing at the top of its lungs, and could have been there for at least 24 hours.
It sounded like a squirrel. I didn't know cats could do that.
There were other ladies there who were semi cat experts, and one of them knew the phone number of the lady in town who fosters kittens and adopts them out in the town art gallery and art store, gingko gallery. But before she showed up we opened the tuna (I was beneath the tuna opener at the time, and got tuna sprayed all over me, followed by lots of apologies. I still smell like tuna) and the kitten ALMOST came out, but then at the last second ran off.
We tried to corner it by surrounding the car but it ended up climbing into the fucking tire. Inside the suspension. Goddammit, kitten. We're trying to save you. Get with the picture.
The present cat lady expert tried to get the cat out, but was worried that it was too narrow. Then the almighty cat savior from gingko gallery (forgot her name, sorry) came in to the rescue, and with her magical hands somehow managed to reach around the back of the tire and raise the kitten out. We tried to give it some tuna but it wouldn't eat it because it had a sinus infection that kept it from being able to smell food. All that tuna wasted. Except when it was spilled on me, of course. But it was all okay because the nice almighty cat/kitten savior said "you helped saved a youth's life today" and drove off in her catmobile.
I returned to the apartment feeling more noble than I probably should have. That's right, bastards. I helped save a kitten, made a new friend, screwed a tiny screw into a tiny hole so that my roommate could not have burning eyes, worked on an article that both my bosses would be intimidated by, and ate a quesadilla.
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
Of Safe Words, Daria, and the BIG BOOK OF FUCK UP
So it took me a while, but I finally figured out how to get a visitor counter on my blog. If anyone is interested in how I did it, let me know. I will inform ya. Probably this hit counter will just make me depressed about how few people read this thing... but if it really comes to that I will just.. eat a snake or something.
Today I wrote about dead people a lot. Since my article is being edited by my boss
I had no excuses of anything else to work on. This rather sucked, and I got pretty depressed. Among jokes made by Aries about how I should think of it as me writing about their "life cycle" as if it were a "period cycle." You know, they start off fine, then the bleed a lot, and then they die. That was only one of the many 'interesting' conversations we had today.
Aries and Stephen also educated me today about safe words in what could have been interpreted in quite a patronizing way.
"When two people love each other, they sometimes want to do things, Nadya."
"Really? Like roll around in the grass and eat mud?"
"No, Nadya. "
"Well, I like to do that when I love someone."
... No, that's not how it actually went. Though I think that first sentence was pretty close.
This is how it actually went. I'm skipping that first sentence. I think this whole thing started out because Aries was looking at a vintage lesbian blog. Then she started arguing with Stephen about whether red would be a good safe word and then I had the stupid idea of asking them what a safe word was. (If everyone else knows what this is, I feel like an idiot.)
"And when they do things, these things sometimes hurt. But sometimes they hurt in a sexy way, you know, but sometimes it hurts in a very un-sexy way. It's when things hurt that the safe word comes in handy. And you're probably wondering, why not just say stop? Well, because some people like to say stop when really, they don't want you to stop at all, and then it turns into awkward situations where you're like STOP STOP and then they stop and you're like NOOOO keep going! So that's why you make your safe word something else, that you really only say when you're actually in un-sexy pain that could cause permanent damage in a un-sexy way. "
That may have seemed long, but it wasn't even the whole thing. That was paraphrased. Yeah.
Needless to say, my recent graduate of Oberlin friends don't understand the concept of keeping it PG at work. They also made me feel like a dumb ten year old, but in a surprisingly not "I want to rip you to shreds now" kind of way.
I just found this interesting website where college artists can sell their work and get it purchased by college alumni or whatever. That's pretty cool. Anyone think I should make an account?
One of my friends at work thinks that I am like this chick, Daria. I have never seen the show so today I watched stuff from youtube. It was pretty amusing, she's pretty snarky and always has the same tone of voice and even looks a little like me. So weird. I wonder if I'm more like Daria or more like Raven. *sigh* They're both pretty extreme cases. Until I came to Oberlin, nobody compared me to random TV characters. The things college brings. Ways to one dimensionalize my personality. Yeah, I know dimensionalize isn't a word. BUT I USED IT ANYWAYS! HA!
This is my last week of work, btw. Then I will be FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! That will be good. Not that I dislike work, but it gets a bit I dunno.. boring or tiring or.. something like that.
Oh, and Jeff found an error in our most recent magazine. Well, actually, we both kind of found it and so.. he got very frustrated that he found a mistake and so he started looking through the whole magazine for more mistakes he made because he was afraid that the one mistake messed up everything else somehow.
Then he wrote BIG BOOK OF FUCK UP on the front of the copy of the magazine he had. I didn't know whether to laugh or feel bad for him. Me and one of my friends tried to convince him that we hear nobody is perfect, but you know, it's just a rumor, something we heard on the radio.
Today I wrote about dead people a lot. Since my article is being edited by my boss
I had no excuses of anything else to work on. This rather sucked, and I got pretty depressed. Among jokes made by Aries about how I should think of it as me writing about their "life cycle" as if it were a "period cycle." You know, they start off fine, then the bleed a lot, and then they die. That was only one of the many 'interesting' conversations we had today.
Aries and Stephen also educated me today about safe words in what could have been interpreted in quite a patronizing way.
"When two people love each other, they sometimes want to do things, Nadya."
"Really? Like roll around in the grass and eat mud?"
"No, Nadya. "
"Well, I like to do that when I love someone."
... No, that's not how it actually went. Though I think that first sentence was pretty close.
This is how it actually went. I'm skipping that first sentence. I think this whole thing started out because Aries was looking at a vintage lesbian blog. Then she started arguing with Stephen about whether red would be a good safe word and then I had the stupid idea of asking them what a safe word was. (If everyone else knows what this is, I feel like an idiot.)
"And when they do things, these things sometimes hurt. But sometimes they hurt in a sexy way, you know, but sometimes it hurts in a very un-sexy way. It's when things hurt that the safe word comes in handy. And you're probably wondering, why not just say stop? Well, because some people like to say stop when really, they don't want you to stop at all, and then it turns into awkward situations where you're like STOP STOP and then they stop and you're like NOOOO keep going! So that's why you make your safe word something else, that you really only say when you're actually in un-sexy pain that could cause permanent damage in a un-sexy way. "
That may have seemed long, but it wasn't even the whole thing. That was paraphrased. Yeah.
Needless to say, my recent graduate of Oberlin friends don't understand the concept of keeping it PG at work. They also made me feel like a dumb ten year old, but in a surprisingly not "I want to rip you to shreds now" kind of way.
I just found this interesting website where college artists can sell their work and get it purchased by college alumni or whatever. That's pretty cool. Anyone think I should make an account?
One of my friends at work thinks that I am like this chick, Daria. I have never seen the show so today I watched stuff from youtube. It was pretty amusing, she's pretty snarky and always has the same tone of voice and even looks a little like me. So weird. I wonder if I'm more like Daria or more like Raven. *sigh* They're both pretty extreme cases. Until I came to Oberlin, nobody compared me to random TV characters. The things college brings. Ways to one dimensionalize my personality. Yeah, I know dimensionalize isn't a word. BUT I USED IT ANYWAYS! HA!
This is my last week of work, btw. Then I will be FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! That will be good. Not that I dislike work, but it gets a bit I dunno.. boring or tiring or.. something like that.
Oh, and Jeff found an error in our most recent magazine. Well, actually, we both kind of found it and so.. he got very frustrated that he found a mistake and so he started looking through the whole magazine for more mistakes he made because he was afraid that the one mistake messed up everything else somehow.
Then he wrote BIG BOOK OF FUCK UP on the front of the copy of the magazine he had. I didn't know whether to laugh or feel bad for him. Me and one of my friends tried to convince him that we hear nobody is perfect, but you know, it's just a rumor, something we heard on the radio.
Monday, June 21, 2010
Of Foreigness, Silly Oberlinians, and Canada Dry
So.. today I am going to write a really fast post.
BLARGHEDEEBLARGHEBLARGH
...jk
Anyways, today I didn't do much. Finished the rough draft of the super important article of superness. I hope my boss reads it quickly so I can make it a not-rough-draft.
It's a thousand words long. This is bad because it has to be 800. But then my boss's boss was like OMG you could totally summarize that down to 400. I was like EXCUSE ME?! NO I CAN'T! Then I told him that if they cut it down that much I wouldn't read it. And he was like "Oh, you'll read it, and we will cut it. There may be blood." Silly Jeff.
Stephen at work is very absent minded. He's always so diligently working and then he starts talking to himself in programming jargon, occasionally explaining it to me as if I have some kind of clue about what he is saying. Also, every time I tell him anything about being annoyed/upset/ blah about something he looks at me as though he is scared and says 'sorry?' or just doesn't say anything. Silly socially awkward Oberlinians.
I skyped with my BF and my other friends from home. If I can call it that... I think I can... even though I don't live there. WTF. forget that debate. But yeah, I spoke with Denise, and Jason, and Maggie, and yeah. And then my BF's interwebs died and I was sad. But I still got to talk to people so that was good.
I bought Canada Dry today. Not to make alcoholic beverages, silly. I just like to drink it. Also, my BF kept drinking it in front of me on Skype and I got a pretty bad craving. It's just like ARRGHH GIVE ME THE SODA PLEEASE.
So I bought it for 1.75. It was a medium sized bottle, so the price will do. I also bought cheap ice cream. Yay for being unhealthy. But I did eat spinach today, and whole wheat cereal and a whole wheat wrap so HA. I also walk every weekend(well, every day, but its not super far. Probably 35 minutes a day) I should also play DDR more. Being healthy is important.
I shaved. In Oberlin a lot of girls don't shave, so nobody really cared. It's too hot to wear pants or even leggings. And my roommates don't turn on the air conditioning really so I just have to deal with it.
I talked to my awesome Korean friend Karen last night. She was telling me about how in Korea apparently being unique is like an insult. Everyone thinks conformity is the only way, and dresses the same. Karen.. she cut her hair and got a nose piercing and she also smokes (which apparently it is OK for guys to smoke but not for girls) and some girl on the bus was like "god I hate that girls style. It's so unique."
That's pretty crazy isn't it? See, Americans? Not everyone in every country values individuality. BUT OMG HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE?!?! It is. Deal with it.
Speaking of foreigness, another friend of mine, Margo (a Russian friend to be exact who I've known since I was 4) came back from Russia today. This is a pretty big deal since she's been away for a month and I must say I am quite happy that she is back. I will have to ask her lots of questions about how her trip in Russia went since I am rather out of touch with.. that. I'm one of those damned home country- betrayers that moved away from her homeland and now prefers the uh.. new land?
I see the flaws in both Russia and America (yeah, I'm not an America lover either). They both have their extremes which I dislike (I think happy mediums are good, you know, super rude bitchyness kinda sucks but really fake 'nice nice' bullshit does too).
Because you know, where I'm from in Russia (aka Siberia) life kinda sucks (I mean, its freezing ass cold most of the year, and they don't have nearly the resources of big cities like Moscow or St. Petersburg) so people aren't very friendly and most of my relatives have depression and quite a lot of them died under bad circumstances and its just freaking depressing as hell.
Also the culture is kinda polar opposite to America. Happiness isn't valued. Independence is.. kinda valued. I even wrote a poem about my emo trip of emo. Though I don't feel like posting it here. If you care enough to have it I can send it to you, just comment on here or something.
Obviously I like things about Russia too or I wouldn't have bothered to keep the language and learn the culture, etc etc. I have Russia inside of me, even if my relatives don't see it.
You know my moms uncle saw me grown up for the first time when I visited after freshmen year. He basically looked at me for a couple of seconds, hugged me, and was like "I need to.. measure you up.. " or something like that.
Basically, he concluded I was a good person by just looking at me. I don't know if that's really.. valid.. but whatever. I have this giant ass diary I kept while I was in Russia. Probably I should type it all out. But that would take a long time. Egh.
I'm trying to make my entries more accesible for readers by breaking up long paragraphs. I know I tend to ramble, sorry about that!
BLARGHEDEEBLARGHEBLARGH
...jk
Anyways, today I didn't do much. Finished the rough draft of the super important article of superness. I hope my boss reads it quickly so I can make it a not-rough-draft.
It's a thousand words long. This is bad because it has to be 800. But then my boss's boss was like OMG you could totally summarize that down to 400. I was like EXCUSE ME?! NO I CAN'T! Then I told him that if they cut it down that much I wouldn't read it. And he was like "Oh, you'll read it, and we will cut it. There may be blood." Silly Jeff.
Stephen at work is very absent minded. He's always so diligently working and then he starts talking to himself in programming jargon, occasionally explaining it to me as if I have some kind of clue about what he is saying. Also, every time I tell him anything about being annoyed/upset/ blah about something he looks at me as though he is scared and says 'sorry?' or just doesn't say anything. Silly socially awkward Oberlinians.
I skyped with my BF and my other friends from home. If I can call it that... I think I can... even though I don't live there. WTF. forget that debate. But yeah, I spoke with Denise, and Jason, and Maggie, and yeah. And then my BF's interwebs died and I was sad. But I still got to talk to people so that was good.
I bought Canada Dry today. Not to make alcoholic beverages, silly. I just like to drink it. Also, my BF kept drinking it in front of me on Skype and I got a pretty bad craving. It's just like ARRGHH GIVE ME THE SODA PLEEASE.
So I bought it for 1.75. It was a medium sized bottle, so the price will do. I also bought cheap ice cream. Yay for being unhealthy. But I did eat spinach today, and whole wheat cereal and a whole wheat wrap so HA. I also walk every weekend(well, every day, but its not super far. Probably 35 minutes a day) I should also play DDR more. Being healthy is important.
I shaved. In Oberlin a lot of girls don't shave, so nobody really cared. It's too hot to wear pants or even leggings. And my roommates don't turn on the air conditioning really so I just have to deal with it.
I talked to my awesome Korean friend Karen last night. She was telling me about how in Korea apparently being unique is like an insult. Everyone thinks conformity is the only way, and dresses the same. Karen.. she cut her hair and got a nose piercing and she also smokes (which apparently it is OK for guys to smoke but not for girls) and some girl on the bus was like "god I hate that girls style. It's so unique."
That's pretty crazy isn't it? See, Americans? Not everyone in every country values individuality. BUT OMG HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE?!?! It is. Deal with it.
Speaking of foreigness, another friend of mine, Margo (a Russian friend to be exact who I've known since I was 4) came back from Russia today. This is a pretty big deal since she's been away for a month and I must say I am quite happy that she is back. I will have to ask her lots of questions about how her trip in Russia went since I am rather out of touch with.. that. I'm one of those damned home country- betrayers that moved away from her homeland and now prefers the uh.. new land?
I see the flaws in both Russia and America (yeah, I'm not an America lover either). They both have their extremes which I dislike (I think happy mediums are good, you know, super rude bitchyness kinda sucks but really fake 'nice nice' bullshit does too).
Because you know, where I'm from in Russia (aka Siberia) life kinda sucks (I mean, its freezing ass cold most of the year, and they don't have nearly the resources of big cities like Moscow or St. Petersburg) so people aren't very friendly and most of my relatives have depression and quite a lot of them died under bad circumstances and its just freaking depressing as hell.
Also the culture is kinda polar opposite to America. Happiness isn't valued. Independence is.. kinda valued. I even wrote a poem about my emo trip of emo. Though I don't feel like posting it here. If you care enough to have it I can send it to you, just comment on here or something.
Obviously I like things about Russia too or I wouldn't have bothered to keep the language and learn the culture, etc etc. I have Russia inside of me, even if my relatives don't see it.
You know my moms uncle saw me grown up for the first time when I visited after freshmen year. He basically looked at me for a couple of seconds, hugged me, and was like "I need to.. measure you up.. " or something like that.
Basically, he concluded I was a good person by just looking at me. I don't know if that's really.. valid.. but whatever. I have this giant ass diary I kept while I was in Russia. Probably I should type it all out. But that would take a long time. Egh.
I'm trying to make my entries more accesible for readers by breaking up long paragraphs. I know I tend to ramble, sorry about that!
Sunday, June 20, 2010
Of Phones, Shopping, False Memories, and Dentists
So.. the weekend is over. What did I do...
I finished Spice and Wolf Season 1. The main characters remind me of me and my boyfriend. It's so cute and wonderful and makes me smile.
I bought a phone. It's a Motorola Flipback and its loads better than my old phone. It's a smart phone so I can be like those other annoying teenagers who browse the internet and text each other 24 hours a day back and forth about random pointless shit. "omg katy what shoes should i buy?" "i dunno" "you got 2 no tho" "i don't care about your friggin shoes. y u texting me bout it?" "u don't care?!?!" I can also take pictures, and movies, and check my e-mail, and IM with people, and browse the interwebs, and get new ringtones for free! It's so great. I can FINALLY HAVE AYUMI AS MY RINGTONE! YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND HOW AWESOME THIS IS.
I bought shoes. It took forever because I am just SO picky about shoes. Not really. Actually, you won't believe this. My dad is the most picky about shoes. "These are soo ugly Nadya you shouldn't buy them." "Why don't you like these shoes they're soo chic." Okay, maybe not quite that girly sounding.. but you get the picture. Basically we ended up buying shoes that I liked, but they hurt my feet. FML
I bought sexy skinny jeans and a t-shirt hoodie.. thing? The skinny jeans are amazing. They're kinda tight but I dunno. I haven't gotten a pair of jeans in a while.
We're close to solidifying all our plans for my bf to come to see me. YAAY! We're going to stay in Chicago during July 4 and it's gonna be rad. Yes, I just used the word rad. I don't remember the last time I heard anyone use that word.
This all happened on Saturday. It was certainly an eventful day full of money-spending. I almost felt guilty by the end of it. Like, who buys so much shit in one day? I guess I do... whoops.
But it's okay because on Sunday my dad dragged me on an hour.. two hour? long hike. It was long. I dunno, but I couldn't really move for a while afterwards. My parents were cleaning my room (it was a pig sty after moving college stuff in) and they kept asking me to help and I was like UGUSHGKJ I NO MOVE NOW. But it worked out in the end. I took out the trash and. stuff... Watched Durarara.. Oh yeah, and I slept on the couch on Saturday night because it was just way too hot in my room. Freaking sauna, I swear.
So I don't know why anyone would find any of the above interesting, but yeah. It's so I don't forget stuff that I did. Because I swear I forget everything that I ever do. It's just gone.. after like a week I remember nothing. Nothing. NOTHING. That reminds me, I forgot how old I was last week. My roommates were like WHAAT how can you forget how old you are? I was like.. uhh.. I dunno? Does it really matter? Apparently it does, and I'm crazy to boot.
I also realized that I have false memories about doing gymnastics when I was a little kid. I have quite a clear memory of swinging on the bars, and being scared to swing all the way around and the teacher being like YOU HAVE TO , and me finally doing it. My dad was like "it must have been your previous life!" and I was like.. uh.. no dad... I think I just dreamed it or something. He also is convinced that I was Japanese in a previous life and that's why I am obsessed with Japan.
So I just took a break to talk to my roommate Caitlin and we were talking about dentists and I had a terrible experience at the dentists this year in Cleveland. She was just.. evil. She gave me this fucking shot that drizzled down into my mouth with this terrible taste (its the numbing shot) and she gave them to me not once, not twice, but THREE EFFING TIMES. FOR ONE CAVITY. And she used an out of date drill that like bounced against my teeth and had such a terrible sound that it made my stomach churn and my ears wish they were deaf and just.. it was this high pitched, like BR-R-RRRRRRRRRRR sound that I can't even describe. Such. An. Awful. Sound. It made tears come to my eyes. Just the sound of it. Maybe my ears are sensitive or something. But then the lady was all like "this guy told me that he hated this drill and that I should upgrade to the latest but I like this one" or something like that. There should be a law not to use that kind of drill. Seriously. They also laughed at me to boot and were like "its a good thing you only had one cavity or you would probably die." I wanted to kill both of them. Honestly.
Moral of the story. Don't go to dentists that work in old office buildings above grocery stores.
I finished Spice and Wolf Season 1. The main characters remind me of me and my boyfriend. It's so cute and wonderful and makes me smile.
I bought a phone. It's a Motorola Flipback and its loads better than my old phone. It's a smart phone so I can be like those other annoying teenagers who browse the internet and text each other 24 hours a day back and forth about random pointless shit. "omg katy what shoes should i buy?" "i dunno" "you got 2 no tho" "i don't care about your friggin shoes. y u texting me bout it?" "u don't care?!?!" I can also take pictures, and movies, and check my e-mail, and IM with people, and browse the interwebs, and get new ringtones for free! It's so great. I can FINALLY HAVE AYUMI AS MY RINGTONE! YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND HOW AWESOME THIS IS.
I bought shoes. It took forever because I am just SO picky about shoes. Not really. Actually, you won't believe this. My dad is the most picky about shoes. "These are soo ugly Nadya you shouldn't buy them." "Why don't you like these shoes they're soo chic." Okay, maybe not quite that girly sounding.. but you get the picture. Basically we ended up buying shoes that I liked, but they hurt my feet. FML
I bought sexy skinny jeans and a t-shirt hoodie.. thing? The skinny jeans are amazing. They're kinda tight but I dunno. I haven't gotten a pair of jeans in a while.
We're close to solidifying all our plans for my bf to come to see me. YAAY! We're going to stay in Chicago during July 4 and it's gonna be rad. Yes, I just used the word rad. I don't remember the last time I heard anyone use that word.
This all happened on Saturday. It was certainly an eventful day full of money-spending. I almost felt guilty by the end of it. Like, who buys so much shit in one day? I guess I do... whoops.
But it's okay because on Sunday my dad dragged me on an hour.. two hour? long hike. It was long. I dunno, but I couldn't really move for a while afterwards. My parents were cleaning my room (it was a pig sty after moving college stuff in) and they kept asking me to help and I was like UGUSHGKJ I NO MOVE NOW. But it worked out in the end. I took out the trash and. stuff... Watched Durarara.. Oh yeah, and I slept on the couch on Saturday night because it was just way too hot in my room. Freaking sauna, I swear.
So I don't know why anyone would find any of the above interesting, but yeah. It's so I don't forget stuff that I did. Because I swear I forget everything that I ever do. It's just gone.. after like a week I remember nothing. Nothing. NOTHING. That reminds me, I forgot how old I was last week. My roommates were like WHAAT how can you forget how old you are? I was like.. uhh.. I dunno? Does it really matter? Apparently it does, and I'm crazy to boot.
I also realized that I have false memories about doing gymnastics when I was a little kid. I have quite a clear memory of swinging on the bars, and being scared to swing all the way around and the teacher being like YOU HAVE TO , and me finally doing it. My dad was like "it must have been your previous life!" and I was like.. uh.. no dad... I think I just dreamed it or something. He also is convinced that I was Japanese in a previous life and that's why I am obsessed with Japan.
So I just took a break to talk to my roommate Caitlin and we were talking about dentists and I had a terrible experience at the dentists this year in Cleveland. She was just.. evil. She gave me this fucking shot that drizzled down into my mouth with this terrible taste (its the numbing shot) and she gave them to me not once, not twice, but THREE EFFING TIMES. FOR ONE CAVITY. And she used an out of date drill that like bounced against my teeth and had such a terrible sound that it made my stomach churn and my ears wish they were deaf and just.. it was this high pitched, like BR-R-RRRRRRRRRRR sound that I can't even describe. Such. An. Awful. Sound. It made tears come to my eyes. Just the sound of it. Maybe my ears are sensitive or something. But then the lady was all like "this guy told me that he hated this drill and that I should upgrade to the latest but I like this one" or something like that. There should be a law not to use that kind of drill. Seriously. They also laughed at me to boot and were like "its a good thing you only had one cavity or you would probably die." I wanted to kill both of them. Honestly.
Moral of the story. Don't go to dentists that work in old office buildings above grocery stores.
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